Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

jessimica642

Search for a member

jessimica642

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 735
  • Number of comments : 101
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About jessimica642 : I LOVE Dill Pickle Chips... And Orange Juice.... Together.

jessimica642's page activity

Visits<b>theoneandonlybro</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 1:24pm<b>fmltrc</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 4:49pm<b>Hellraiser2083</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 10:45pm<b>tehaustiebear</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 11:54pm<b>MrKronos</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 6:02pm<b>_kyleG_</b> - the 05/11/2014 at 4:44pm<b>the_rude_dude</b> - the 05/01/2014 at 2:43pm<b>Nick7778</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 10:53pm<b>Arni792</b> - the 02/09/2014 at 5:51am<b>sdroze1389</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 8:19pm<b>Bakermckenzie</b> - the 12/02/2013 at 11:39pm<b>ChaosBlitz</b> - the 11/05/2013 at 10:17pm<b>Gentelman999</b> - the 10/20/2013 at 6:19pm<b>ReneeFelicity</b> - the 09/28/2013 at 9:20pm<b>Spartancjm</b> - the 09/10/2013 at 10:14pm<b>izzie321</b> - the 07/27/2013 at 2:56pm<b>iFollowYouLead</b> - the 05/21/2013 at 10:24pm<b>goudou</b> - the 02/02/2013 at 4:55pm

jessimica642's FML badges

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of jessimica642's badges

jessimica642's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

#20181043
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28203) - you deserved it (1609)

On 11/27/2012 at 9:32am - misc - by Cracky - United States (Maryland)

Today, a shopper approached me at Target and said, "So are you just gonna stand there to look pretty and do nothing around here?" I ignored his comment, until he got so upset that he wanted to speak to my manager. It would have been understandable if I actually worked there. FML

#20177780
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25507) - you deserved it (1818)

On 11/25/2012 at 4:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML

#20174308
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31980) - you deserved it (8119)

On 11/22/2012 at 8:19pm - intimacy - by Janitoro (man) - United States

Today, while working at the coffee shop, I had to empty the garbage cans. One of the bags gave way, and all the half-finished cups of coffee spilled all over my uniform. Most customers' orders cost more than I make per hour. FML

#20166731
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18169) - you deserved it (1887)

On 11/17/2012 at 1:35pm - work - by overpriced coffee shop worker - United States (California)

Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML

#20162095
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24752) - you deserved it (4839)

On 11/13/2012 at 6:17pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, after weeks of wondering if my cat has a fetish for licking my bed covers, I finally witnessed him licking up an ant off of the covers. Turns out that my bed is infested with ants. FML

#20138030
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21576) - you deserved it (4607)

On 10/29/2012 at 12:23am - animals - by lifelike (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was loudly bitched out by someone for speaking in a fake British accent, to make myself "sound sophisticated". I moved here two years ago from London. FML

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31531) - you deserved it (6539)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend again accused me of cheating on him. This time, it was because I delayed replying to his text message so I could feed my pet. Apparently I'm fucking my pet toad now. Jesus. FML

#20029882
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25066) - you deserved it (4829)

On 08/19/2012 at 12:52pm - love - by youre dumped shitforbrain (woman) - Sweden (Sodermanlands Lan)

Today, I was so bored that I actually read the iTunes store's terms and conditions. FML

#20024681
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31281) - you deserved it (7492)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:50pm - misc - by cardsftw - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML

#20017485
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23893) - you deserved it (2385)

On 08/12/2012 at 8:49pm - kids - by JAdams (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I went to a corner store to re-stock my chocolate stash. A guy from work walked in to see me and the cashier arguing about the amount of candy I was trying to buy with a jar of pennies. He took one look at me and said, "That time of the month, eh?" FML

#19992100
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9333) - you deserved it (23041)

On 07/30/2012 at 2:59am - misc - by fmlgrl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my regular pharmacist of three months, and since I've always seen him on a crutch, I asked him how his leg was. His response: "Still missing". FML

#19903690
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22028) - you deserved it (6224)

On 07/07/2012 at 3:26am - misc - by sozzy - United States (California)

Today, I divorced my husband of 20 years. The only positive thing about my day was my pregnancy test. Yes, it was his. FML

#19831438
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25420) - you deserved it (8037)

On 06/22/2012 at 10:57pm - misc - by GM38 - United States (Florida)

Today, I divorced my husband of 20 years. The only positive thing about my day was my pregnancy test. Yes, it was his. FML

#19831438
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25420) - you deserved it (8037)

On 06/22/2012 at 10:57pm - misc - by GM38 - United States (Florida)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: