jessicaazzzzzzzz

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jessicaazzzzzzzz

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 20 April 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1481
  • Number of comments : 46
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jessicaazzzzzzzz's page activity

Visits<b>melons</b> - the 06/29/2016 at 9:59pm<b>cdncw</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 11:43am<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 9:45pm<b>idiotgenius</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 8:42pm<b>Usuario</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 10:46pm<b>Mons</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 1:03am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 7:27am<b>1s4t0p3</b> - the 06/19/2014 at 11:24pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 12/20/2013 at 5:26pm<b>steal_this</b> - the 09/18/2013 at 6:03pm<b>Spartancjm</b> - the 09/10/2013 at 10:14pm<b>Mordeci</b> - the 08/28/2013 at 11:06pm<b>Fireashes250</b> - the 07/20/2013 at 12:05am<b>roundnproud</b> - the 05/11/2012 at 2:34pm<b>kingghidorah</b> - the 05/09/2012 at 1:51pm<b>trueblue170</b> - the 05/08/2012 at 7:45am

Fucked!<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 3:45am

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50 favourites

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It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

jessicaazzzzzzzz's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I left with referrals to both a dermatologist and a mental health professional. FML

by lexithepirate / 07/27/2012 at 5:24am / United States / Health

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Two hours later I get a text from my ex announcing he has just been diagnosed with chlamydia. I now have to explain this to my fiancé. FML

by anonymous / 07/04/2012 at 10:45am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my mother decided to share with me that my father is impotent, and they hadn't had sex in a year and a half. Thanks, Mom. I can never unhear that. FML

by Christina / 06/29/2012 at 1:31am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I divorced my husband of 20 years. The only positive thing about my day was my pregnancy test. Yes, it was his. FML

by GM38 / 06/22/2012 at 10:57pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

by Anonymous / 06/21/2012 at 10:52am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents made a list of all the things they could have done had I not been born. FML

by theunborn / 06/19/2012 at 12:42pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Intimacy

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I visited my new doctor for the migraines I've been getting lately. Right from the start, I could have sworn the guy was on drugs. He just listened to my heartbeat, said, "Well Dave, it sounds like gallstones" and said they'll pass naturally. FML

by davav74 / 06/15/2012 at 7:31pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Health

Today, I was out to coffee with an extremely attractive friend. A crazy man came up to the window we were facing. He took one look at her, then turned to me with a big, congratulatory smile, flashing me a thumbs-up. Then he turned to her, frowned disappointedly and gave a thumbs-down. FML

by offended / 06/14/2012 at 4:11am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. During the rounds, a grisly but nice young fellow told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was quite touched; that is until he leaned in and added, "Can I have them for my collection?" FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2012 at 3:01pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

by creeped out / 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML

by amidreaming?? / 06/11/2012 at 5:45pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love

Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML

by why... / 06/05/2012 at 1:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

by Scared / 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals