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50 favourites
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I’m your new creative director
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Today, my husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs for women. When I asked them what they were for, he said he wanted to spice up our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32464) - you deserved it (5360)
On 01/02/2013 at 5:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29505) - you deserved it (3691)
On 12/23/2012 at 1:02am - misc - by oh my son - Canada (Ontario)
Today, because my boyfriend drives a 2-seated sports car, I had to awkwardly sit on his brother's lap as we drove to the store. I soon felt a poking sensation through his pants, just a few minutes before we hit a bumpy road. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37171) - you deserved it (4192)
On 12/22/2012 at 5:55pm - intimacy - by orgasmicriding (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he'd rather play the new Assassin's Creed game or have a night of sex with me. He started crying from indecision. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26050) - you deserved it (9190)
On 11/24/2012 at 8:54am - intimacy - by ladylol (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)
Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19679) - you deserved it (2347)
On 10/13/2012 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24240) - you deserved it (3964)
On 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26137) - you deserved it (4379)
On 08/01/2012 at 5:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I kindly asked my boyfriend to shave his pubic hair to make oral sex more enjoyable for me. He declined, saying, "Think of it as flossing your teeth. I'm doing you a much needed favor." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20593) - you deserved it (3452)
On 06/17/2012 at 9:00pm - intimacy - by turnedoff (woman) - United States
Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22621) - you deserved it (3286)
On 06/13/2012 at 12:07pm - intimacy - by Rosie (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)
Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11016) - you deserved it (23296)
On 06/02/2012 at 6:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)
Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26624) - you deserved it (6229)
On 04/29/2012 at 11:10am - intimacy - by ShadowJack - United States
Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28488) - you deserved it (2406)
On 04/17/2012 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by lindsaykay - United States
Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20183) - you deserved it (2555)
On 04/16/2012 at 8:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, I tried to be kind to animals and get my dad to buy cage-free eggs. When I told him it was dollar more, he started yelling and making a scene in the middle of the store, saying that chickens are ugly and they deserve to suffer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18825) - you deserved it (4247)
On 04/14/2012 at 11:46pm - misc - by ilovechickens - United States
Today, I offered an elderly man my seat on the train. He thanked me by winking and offering me a seat on his lap. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16437) - you deserved it (2110)
On 04/01/2012 at 9:53am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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