jessica221

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jessica221

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 730
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jessica221's page activity

Visits<b>yayuhh</b> - the 04/30/2013 at 12:35am<b>AABabe</b> - the 04/29/2013 at 6:59pm<b>flupsht</b> - the 04/26/2013 at 1:57am<b>martinez121797</b> - the 04/21/2013 at 5:06pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 03/17/2013 at 10:35pm

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jessica221's favorite FMLs

Today, I received several texts congratulating me on my pregnancy. It turns out that my husband announced he is going to be a father on Facebook, which I don't use. I'm not pregnant. FML

by Quiteannoyed / 03/09/2013 at 5:35am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Love

Today, I was taking a patient's blood pressure, and listening for his pulse with my stethoscope. I couldn't hear anything, so I adjusted the cuff and tried again. Still no pulse. He pointed out that my stethoscope was the wrong way around and sneered, "You been smokin' the reefer, boy?" FML

by no sir I have not / 03/07/2013 at 7:35pm / United States / Work

Today, I was fired from my job for breaking my company's tattoo policy. I have a small scar on my wrist that roughly resembles a heart. My boss insists that it's one of those white ink tattoos. No one will believe me. FML

by crap / 03/07/2013 at 3:17am / United States / Work

Today, I met a guy in a bar. He was sweet and funny so I asked him out for coffee later. He quickly turned me down, saying that I didn't even meet his first requirement. His first requirement was "looks like a girl." FML

by Anonymous / 03/06/2013 at 10:14pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

by cjw / 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm / United States / Kids

Today, my boyfriend started laughing during sex because my boobs are slightly different. He then broke up with me after I pointed out that his nuts aren't exactly even either. FML

by anonymous / 05/14/2012 at 6:31am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I was at a restaurant with my kids. I told my 13 year old about how the very first time she said she loved me. She was 2 and it was at this very restaurant. I told her the details and even started tearing up a little. She didn't even look up from her cell phone and said, "That's fab, ma." FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2012 at 4:33pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I was sitting on a bus. I'm deaf. An old lady looked very angry at me and started talking. Then she looked like she was screaming. I had to type on my phone that I'm deaf. Apparently, I'd been stepping on her foot. She decided to poke me in the eye and type, "Now you're blind too." FML

by Come on / 01/28/2012 at 7:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that the only reason most of my students come to my lectures is that they have a running bet on how many times I say "OK" in two hours. It was 137 last week. FML

by Habit / 10/19/2011 at 6:42pm / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Work

Today, I picked off what I thought was a small bug feeding on my skin. I was wrong. It was a mole. I spent the last 30 minutes trying to stop the continuous bleeding. FML

by c.hip / 08/18/2011 at 11:22pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML

by douglas / 07/17/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML

by Cassie / 05/01/2011 at 8:21pm / Animals

Today, I had to dig into my savings to help my parents pay for their divorce. FML

by Ineedjustice03 / 03/25/2011 at 7:55am / Singapore / Money

Today, a friend and I saw some deer outside my car. Since we were both leaving for college the next day we wanted to do something memorable so we decided to chase the deer. Turns out the deer wanted to chase us too. We ran for over five minutes screaming. FML

by Anonymous / 01/22/2011 at 4:03am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, my mother was over visiting. My three year old ran out of my room chasing the cat with his toy. He smacked the cat with it, the cat scratched him, he dropped it and ran away. I was busy with the baby so I asked my mom to take the toy away. She walked back holding my pink dildo. FML

by bottomdrawerraider / 11/17/2010 at 12:13pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy