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jesscromb

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jesscromb

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 9 February 1998 (16 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 156
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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jesscromb's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I began to take my clothes off when he stopped me. He said that sex is exercise and you can't exercise for 30 minutes after eating. FML

#12463694
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34990) - you deserved it (7710)

On 08/11/2010 at 9:54pm - intimacy - by oumalina (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to the sound of something hitting my bedroom wall outside. I could see my boyfriend's car from the window, so I assumed he was throwing pebbles to get my attention. I opened the window and an egg flew in. FML

#12334869
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29086) - you deserved it (4036)

On 08/05/2010 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

#12099804
309 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12627) - you deserved it (113118)

On 07/25/2010 at 5:06am - misc - by spriggs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was paintballing when I got shot in the stomach and winded. As I was gasping for breath on the ground, someone came up and shot me point blank in my crotch. FML

#5925433
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37166) - you deserved it (6068)

On 10/21/2009 at 4:27am - misc - by sore (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

#3262847
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8937) - you deserved it (115100)

On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML

#3019033
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11618) - you deserved it (110864)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

#2532710
1165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83785) - you deserved it (221834)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31971) - you deserved it (141506)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

#1714855
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27366) - you deserved it (96574)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

#1712833
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32349) - you deserved it (138939)

On 05/07/2009 at 7:36am - animals - by MJ3105 (man) - Israel

Today, I read a PostSecret that said "I'm afraid my thighs will start to touch soon." My thighs have always touched. I didn't even know thighs weren't supposed to touch. FML

#1444188
453 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54990) - you deserved it (10520)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:13am - health - by fat_thighs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML

#1387325
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24053) - you deserved it (121095)

On 04/27/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by BARF (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML

#1080598
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29517) - you deserved it (105518)

On 04/18/2009 at 6:42am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)



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