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jesnake

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jesnake
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 3 July 1992 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 100
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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jesnake's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though; he's not a rapist. FML

#19918640
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26739) - you deserved it (1442)

On 07/10/2012 at 12:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML

#19918441
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5185) - you deserved it (22478)

On 07/10/2012 at 11:39am - misc - by mustanggt (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had three things converge that should never be together: my period, hot doctor, and a colonoscopy. FML

#19687199
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23511) - you deserved it (1610)

On 05/27/2012 at 3:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

#19631928
461 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37010) - you deserved it (3014)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

#19463606
575 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9702) - you deserved it (39874) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, I told my girlfriend that I would still care for her if she was a vegetable. She informed me that if I was a potato, she would cut me into chips. And fry me. FML

#19459433
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15456) - you deserved it (5660)

On 04/13/2012 at 12:46am - love - by jesifairy - Australia

Today, I went to family therapy because my mom wanted the family to be closer. When asked what her biggest disappointment was in life, she turned to me and said, "Having a gay son" then patted my hand, smiled, and said "No offense, honey." FML

#19416879
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31712) - you deserved it (4956)

On 04/06/2012 at 10:24am - misc - by Sadboy (man) - United States

Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML

#19066178
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16277) - you deserved it (3607)

On 02/13/2012 at 4:31pm - kids - by Username - India

Today, I woke up to a beautiful sunrise, the smell of bacon in a frying pan, and some dickhead trying to pick the lock on my front door. FML

#15560202
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25568) - you deserved it (1900)

On 03/30/2011 at 12:14pm - misc - by Kingspin - Canada (Alberta)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, we were doing stretches in dance class where you are on your hands and doing the splits in the air while your partner helps hold you and stretch your legs further. Right as I lift my left leg up, I farted hugely right in my partner's face. I couldn't make eye contact for the rest of class. FML

#5716405
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25873) - you deserved it (5991)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:05am - misc - by belle_arina (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my adorable five and a half year old boy told me that when he grows up he's going to be my boyfriend. I thought it was kinda cute until I asked him why. "Because you need one." FML

#2767405
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54442) - you deserved it (4820)

On 06/10/2009 at 9:12am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938
1625 comments

I agree, your life sucks (462404) - you deserved it (574398)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)



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