jesnake

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jesnake

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 3 July 1992 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 751
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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jesnake's page activity

Visits<b>negb</b> - the 08/29/2013 at 4:41am<b>HopelesslyCiara5</b> - the 06/16/2013 at 4:12pm<b>dead_insects</b> - the 05/10/2013 at 7:12pm<b>phatdaddy62</b> - the 04/13/2013 at 10:21am<b>Storia30</b> - the 04/08/2013 at 4:58pm<b>XXPhoenixLynnXX</b> - the 04/05/2013 at 8:17am<b>arsenicalhumor</b> - the 03/28/2013 at 1:50pm<b>whatismyusername</b> - the 03/18/2013 at 7:04pm<b>Pleonasm</b> - the 03/03/2013 at 12:10pm<b>animalover9</b> - the 02/26/2013 at 9:12pm<b>Blue329</b> - the 02/26/2013 at 6:53am<b>Deerohdahshet</b> - the 02/25/2013 at 9:28pm<b>BrookieAnn</b> - the 02/24/2013 at 7:42pm<b>HowieDoIt</b> - the 01/24/2013 at 11:39am<b>Coop817</b> - the 01/23/2013 at 6:37pm

jesnake's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of jesnake's badges

jesnake's favorite FMLs

Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2012 at 1:15am / United States / Health

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

by Anonymous / 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I finally realized how depressed I am when I found bubble wrap and didn't feel like popping it. FML

by Epiphany / 07/19/2012 at 5:01am / United States / Health

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. We were under the covers, and my little brother thought we were wrestling, so he got on top of the covers and started "wrestling" with us. FML

by Leyla / 07/14/2012 at 3:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though; he's not a rapist. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2012 at 12:43pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML

by mustanggt / 07/10/2012 at 11:39am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had three things converge that should never be together: my period, hot doctor, and a colonoscopy. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2012 at 3:42am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

by smart move there / 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm / Ireland (Kildare) / Intimacy

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my girlfriend that I would still care for her if she was a vegetable. She informed me that if I was a potato, she would cut me into chips. And fry me. FML

by jesifairy / 04/13/2012 at 12:46am / Australia / Love

Today, I went to family therapy because my mom wanted the family to be closer. When asked what her biggest disappointment was in life, she turned to me and said, "Having a gay son" then patted my hand, smiled, and said "No offense, honey." FML

by Sadboy / 04/06/2012 at 10:24am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML

by Username / 02/13/2012 at 4:31pm / India / Kids

Today, I woke up to a beautiful sunrise, the smell of bacon in a frying pan, and some dickhead trying to pick the lock on my front door. FML

Today, we were doing stretches in dance class where you are on your hands and doing the splits in the air while your partner helps hold you and stretch your legs further. Right as I lift my left leg up, I farted hugely right in my partner's face. I couldn't make eye contact for the rest of class. FML

by belle_arina / 10/08/2009 at 1:05am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my adorable five and a half year old boy told me that when he grows up he's going to be my boyfriend. I thought it was kinda cute until I asked him why. "Because you need one." FML

by Anonymous / 06/10/2009 at 9:12am / United States (Maine) / Kids