jellybean17

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jellybean17

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 9 August 1989 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 13728
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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jellybean17's page activity

Visits<b>Rais</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 1:18am<b>vincentjules</b> - the 02/24/2016 at 8:33am<b>QueenBii</b> - the 02/18/2016 at 12:39am<b>tiger820</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 10:28pm<b>holymacabre</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 8:46am<b>redstone7693</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 4:54pm<b>nemoking797</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 1:48pm<b>delfino1604</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 10:37pm<b>nateh763</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 5:03pm<b>Zyssii</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 2:57am<b>bps315</b> - the 05/31/2015 at 2:51pm<b>rememberthefood</b> - the 05/31/2015 at 12:29am<b>Wondermage</b> - the 05/30/2015 at 8:44pm<b>PITSB</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 1:24am<b>DarkAngel34</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 11:57pm<b>pimpcess_yanna</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 11:19am<b>03stroker03</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 11:39am<b>snowah96111</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 5:48pm

Fucked!<b>tiger820</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 4:28am<b>PITSB</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 7:25am<b>pimpcess_yanna</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 5:19pm

jellybean17's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

jellybean17's favorite FMLs

Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad. I decided to speed to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML

by jojo / 05/06/2009 at 3:11pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

by Familyskank / 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, my grandparents are in town for the weekend and are staying in our guest bedroom. This morning I went upstairs to get a drink of water only to see my 75 year old grandfather standing stark naked with the fridge door open. He then asks me if we have any coffee creamer. FML

by Anonymous / 05/05/2009 at 9:39pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to donate blood for the first time. When they stuck the needle in my arm, I had a panic attack and begged that they take it out. The woman helping me told me she'd take it out in a moment and left. It was then that the Red Cross stole a pint of my blood while I had a panic attack. FML

by Anonymous / 05/05/2009 at 8:22pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

by Anonymous / 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML

by Aether / 05/03/2009 at 5:17pm / United States (Michigan) / Transportation

0

by / 12/31/1969 at 7:00pm /

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

by danggit3290 / 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was driving to the grocery store with my 7 year-old son. When I was approaching a stop sign, I look next to me and see a guy with a triangle shaped head. I tell my son "Look at the guy with the triangle head." My window was open. So was his. FML

by mylifesucks123 / 05/03/2009 at 9:44am / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation

Today, I noticed that someone smeared "wash me" into the grime of my car. I decided to take it to get a wash. I pulled up, put my vehicle in neutral, and kicked back as it slowly started to move. You never realize how long it takes a sun roof to close until water is dumping on your head. FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2009 at 7:06am / United States (Oregon) / Transportation

Today, my alarm went off at 6.30. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

by screamo / 05/02/2009 at 4:44pm / United Kingdom (Derby) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

by dasbooot / 04/30/2009 at 12:53am / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked in the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2009 at 7:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML

by Sad / 04/28/2009 at 6:13pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Money