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jelly_rolls

Offline (the 07/29/2015 at 9:13pm) | Search for a member

jelly_rolls

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 438
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jelly_rolls's page activity

Visits<b>khoov19</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 11:24am<b>rockyhorrorQT</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 8:19am<b>Paulcs</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 9:52am<b>StiffPvtParts</b> - the 05/30/2014 at 1:41am<b>Etched</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 3:10am<b>Door_Productions</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 1:22am<b>Nordrag</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 7:59pm<b>vipirius</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 6:26pm

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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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jelly_rolls's favorite FMLs

Today, my religious friend and I ended up having wild sex in the back of his mom's minivan. We got interrupted by a priest knocking at our window. Well played God, well played. FML

#21444515
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27003) - you deserved it (7276)

On 07/20/2015 at 1:48pm - intimacy - by Marika - United States (California)

Today, I lost my virginity. The most memorable aspect of it wasn't the fact that my boyfriend finished after two thrusts, but rather the fact that he first said, "The pilot has entered the cockpit." FML

#21443446
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26210) - you deserved it (2796)

On 07/18/2015 at 7:09am - intimacy - by henhouse - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I dropped my phone in the toilet in a public restroom. That would have been bad enough, without the guy in the next stall saying, "Jesus! What the hell did you eat?!" FML

#21443162
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25978) - you deserved it (2988)

On 07/17/2015 at 7:04pm - misc - by AK-47 (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

#21442030
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33131) - you deserved it (2320)

On 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML

#21439825
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27677) - you deserved it (2383)

On 07/10/2015 at 11:49pm - misc - by Julianapilikusplatosophophes (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my docile gerbil was startled by a car alarm. He dove into my tank top and bit straight through my nipple. FML

#21434340
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23872) - you deserved it (2278)

On 06/30/2015 at 12:02pm - animals - by piercednipple (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

#21432533
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31756) - you deserved it (2302)

On 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm - work - by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, we had customer complaints of a child molester hanging around our restaurant. After confrontation by a manager, he wouldn't leave. I had to be walked to my car after my shift by more than one person because I look 12 and they were afraid for me. I'm almost 19. FML

#21430929
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24971) - you deserved it (1814)

On 06/23/2015 at 11:23pm - work - by ilook12 - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML

#21430214
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24427) - you deserved it (4490)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:58pm - health - by oh no (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML

#21429657
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25220) - you deserved it (2068)

On 06/21/2015 at 5:37pm - kids - by hfs palm - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriends house to meet his parents, and now they have a dead rabbit because I sat on it. FML

#21428963
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24578) - you deserved it (4833)

On 06/20/2015 at 6:42am - animals - by rabbitkiller - China (Nei Mongol)

Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML

#21427542
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23651) - you deserved it (11523)

On 06/17/2015 at 11:41am - misc - by HURP (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was on a boat and I thought I saw a towel fly off, but it was actually my fricken dog. FML

#21426414
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31815) - you deserved it (5003)

On 06/15/2015 at 10:49am - animals - by justin Bieber - United States (Michigan)

Today, as I was putting stuff into the back of my car, a man walked by and said I looked "super fine." When I looked up to look him in the face, he immediately looked disgusted and basically ran away. Apparently, my face does that. FML

#21421481
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25225) - you deserved it (2020)

On 06/05/2015 at 8:44pm - misc - by fugly - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML

#21420933
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25658) - you deserved it (9813)

On 06/04/2015 at 10:17pm - animals - by nerderer (woman) - United States (Minnesota)



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