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jedielf's favorite FMLs
Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML
by Anonymous / 09/29/2012 at 8:11pm / United States (Colorado) / Work
Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML
by awesomekidsmum / 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/08/2011 at 3:16am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by soccerbuddyz / 08/03/2011 at 12:04am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by The Joker? / 07/31/2011 at 2:17am / United States (Iowa) / Health
by Taylor / 07/30/2011 at 1:14am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML
by GirlishMan1883897 / 07/24/2010 at 6:53am / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, I finished a 50 page term end thesis essay on the history of Russia. Looking over the final requirements once more, I find I made just a tiny little mistake. It was supposed to be a thesis on "Prussia". The paper's due tomorrow. FML
by WTFFAIL / 12/03/2009 at 4:08am / United States (New York) / Work
by LC / 11/03/2009 at 2:06am / United States (Michigan) / Money
Today, after six months of dating, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because my "obsession" of being on the computer and playing games all the time was cutting into "our time". She then told me to "get a life" and never wanted to see me again. She told me all of this on WoW. FML
by zuper_duper / 08/29/2009 at 6:20pm / United States (California) / Love
by NinjaPanda88 / 08/01/2009 at 3:44am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML
by Anonymous / 06/30/2009 at 12:49am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents that I'm gay. My mom said "Yeah, we know." When I asked how they knew, my dad, without looking up from the tv, said, "We've been monitoring your Internet history." FML
by Asterisk1009 / 06/29/2009 at 1:41am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML
by Flicker / 05/14/2009 at 3:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…