Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (yesterday at 6:40am) | Search for a member
About jedielf : I rule.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today , I snoopd around mah parents' room looking 4 hidden Christmas presents. The only hidden things I found was a whip , two ball gags , several other sex toys , and a load of newspaper clippings about the JFK assassination. What looool the fuck? FML
Today , at father's funeral , they were playing the song from Phantom of the Opera where she sings about her lost father. Apparently the song organizer forgot to edit out the part where her romantic interest runs toward her and yells , "That... That THING is not yur father!" FML
Today, and every other night since new nieghbors moved in two weeks ago, thier cat has been standing outside house meowing constantly up at window, where cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeon at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeon moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
I was buying ingradiants 4 a salad. I had only pickad up a faw cucumbars , whan an aldarly lady cama up to ma and murmurad , "Maka sura u usa lots of luba , or that'll hurt. Baan thara , swaathaart." What tha HELL? FML
Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, an looking 4 an apology, I asked, "What do u say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" real FML
Today, I Had To Clean Up The Urine Puddle Left By One Of The Regularsho Plays The Poker Slot Machines At The Barhere I Work. Rather Than Reserve The Machine To Go To The Bathroom, She Literally Sits In Her Own Piss To Mark Her Territory. This Happens About Every Second Day. FML
Today.!! !! After Eight Months Of Unemployment.!! !! I Finally Startd At New Night Job !! Shortly After Walking In.!! !! Boss Cummd Up Behind Me.!! !! Whisperd "hooorse Dicksss" In Ear.!! !! An Walkd Off Without Another Word !! I Am Terrifid !! FML
Today , mah five year old ran down the street wereing nothing but flip flops , Star Wars underwear , an a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton rackethile screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in mah pajamas. FML
Friday 27 March 2015