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jd3773's favorite FMLs
by mykhael / 08/21/2013 at 2:58pm / United States (Louisiana) / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML
by speechless / 07/13/2013 at 10:32am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I received a text from my dad, which was borderline-incomprehensible due to an insane amount of text language. I replied, jokingly asked if he had a stroke while writing it. A few seconds after hitting send, I remembered the stroke he suffered last month. FML
by hellbound / 07/12/2013 at 12:35pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by whowhat / 07/11/2013 at 2:26am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Wtf / 07/10/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/05/2013 at 10:26am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML
by unwilling redneck / 05/24/2013 at 6:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my extremely religious father visited for a family dinner. My daughter had just one job: not to set him off on one of his easily-provoked rants. She nonetheless decided to take a photo in the middle of prayer, because she just HAD to Instagram her food. My father went apeshit. FML
by Anonymous / 05/24/2013 at 12:40pm / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Kids
Today, I realized my family is the textbook definition of redneck after listening to my grandpa threaten to smash with an excavator the trailer that my uncle lives in behind our house if he didn't return the set of tires he had stolen and pawned from my grandpa's garage. FML
by redneckfamily / 05/24/2013 at 3:06am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by jessinono / 05/17/2013 at 12:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to listen to yet another delusional fuckface at school bitch about how a girl he's interested in put him in the "friend-zone". I really couldn't focus on my work, so I tried to shut him up by saying he's an idiot, not least because she already has a boyfriend. I now have a black eye. FML
by getafucktoysomewhereelsedude / 05/16/2013 at 4:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by asdffhhjk / 05/15/2013 at 4:08am / Philippines (Manila) / Miscellaneous
by lamsolonely / 05/12/2013 at 12:35am / United States / Miscellaneous
by What the fuck, son? / 05/11/2013 at 12:21pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Kids
- Today, my girlfriend gave birth to our first child. Our nurse was the lady I had a one night stand… Today, I started undressing in front of my boyfriend. He politely said, "Excuse me, please" because… Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else…