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Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I went to buy a cake for my daughter's birthday. She really loves Twilight, so I decided to get her a vampire-related cake. I wrote down "fangs" as a decoration. The baker thought it said "wangs". My 10 year old daughter's cake has wangs all over it. Her party is tomorrow morning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36921) - you deserved it (7903)
On 08/08/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by TheCake - United States (Florida)
Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58576) - you deserved it (3714)
On 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm - animals - by RachelDC (woman) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (142292) - you deserved it (32745)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was taking an exam and I knew I was unprepared, so I wrote some cheat notes on my ankle. As I cross my legs to look at my notes, I realize I wore tall boots to class. I can't even cheat properly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10703) - you deserved it (97304)
On 04/16/2009 at 12:21pm - misc - by Joe (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47084) - you deserved it (129067)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13693) - you deserved it (109715)
On 04/04/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by ohshittttttt - United States (New York)
Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (189208) - you deserved it (21757)
On 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Girl123999 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, me and a friend I met in the club were sandwiching this blonde girl dancing, when 5 minutes later she turned around and said that I should get another girl and gently brushed me aside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4338) - you deserved it (16787)
On 01/28/2009 at 7:32pm - misc - by Owned - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)
Today, like any other day I struggled to put my boots on, went to pee and noticed my pants were covered in what looked like a green dust. I touched it, sniffed it, and it smelled utterly horrendous. So I took my boots off again only to find that one of my cats had took a dump in one of them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11791) - you deserved it (1883)
On 01/15/2009 at 3:05am - animals - by anx133 - China (Shanghai)
Monday 17 June 2013
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