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jchen96

Offline (the 09/21/2014 at 9:59pm) | Search for a member

jchen96

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  • Number of visits : 225
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jchen96's FML badges

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jchen96's favorite FMLs

Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

#19631928
475 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47179) - you deserved it (4370)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, on the bus, I caught the eye of this ugly, sweaty girl giving me a death stare through the driver's mirror. I gave her a death stare back. Only then I realized I was staring at myself. FML

#19579357
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10108) - you deserved it (31787)

On 05/05/2012 at 10:21pm - misc - by mhm (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML

#16009360
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14830) - you deserved it (44598)

On 05/01/2011 at 8:21pm - animals - by Cassie -

Today, my mother was over visiting. My three year old ran out of my room chasing the cat with his toy. He smacked the cat with it, the cat scratched him, he dropped it and ran away. I was busy with the baby so I asked my mom to take the toy away. She walked back holding my pink dildo. FML

#13876258
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24460) - you deserved it (10452)

On 11/17/2010 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by bottomdrawerraider (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML

#13799884
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16061) - you deserved it (33528)

On 11/11/2010 at 8:30am - health - by sweet_stufz - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML

#13357555
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9214) - you deserved it (29724)

On 10/07/2010 at 7:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to sneeze really bad in a restaurant. To avoid sneezing on everybody's food, I turned my head to the side and sneezed, it just so happens a waitress was there serving a table. My nose went straight into her ass. FML

#13274666
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26953) - you deserved it (5374)

On 10/01/2010 at 9:06am - health - by Embarrassed - United States

Today, I crawled into bed naked, wanting to get some and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass and said 'oh' then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML

#13069724
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31749) - you deserved it (5410)

On 09/16/2010 at 1:13am - intimacy - by bonesniffer (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML

#12975254
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34404) - you deserved it (3920)

On 09/09/2010 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my boyfriend proposed. The ring just had a piece of graphite on it. My boyfriend argued that since graphite and diamonds are both just forms of carbon, it is the same thing. FML

#12899907
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31208) - you deserved it (12313)

On 09/04/2010 at 10:08am - misc - by pencilring (woman) - United States

Today, I was spooning with my wife when I said, "It's cold tonight." Previously when I used that line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know how to warm you up" and we would make love. Tonight, she said "I know how to warm you up" and farted on me. FML

#7293990
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25435) - you deserved it (8116)

On 01/12/2010 at 1:30am - intimacy - by cold-n-stinky (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

#7084392
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25343) - you deserved it (3348)

On 01/01/2010 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by Lovergirl (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, me and my girlfriend were riding on my motorcycle. While at a stop light, she started to make these weird noises. Turns out she was having an orgasm. I still can't give her one. FML

#6534520
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24088) - you deserved it (5412)

On 11/30/2009 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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