About jayden10663 : I like to read FML's in my spare time. I enjoy listening to music and surfing reddit.
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50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19721) - you deserved it (1527)
On 07/27/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20558) - you deserved it (1388)
On 07/25/2012 at 5:05pm - work - by justlittleoldme - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25633) - you deserved it (2394)
On 11/24/2011 at 12:07pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, it's my first Halloween in America since moving from Russia. While handing candy to children, my roommate told me to compliment a little girl by saying "You have a face only a parent could love". I found out it isn't a compliment when I was punched by her Dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30786) - you deserved it (4495)
On 10/31/2011 at 8:18pm - kids - by VladyBoi (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36078) - you deserved it (7721)
On 10/18/2011 at 11:01am - intimacy - by imy - United States (Texas)
Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37715) - you deserved it (3809)
On 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by MLGreco - United States
Today, my sister asked me to explain where to put a tampon. I realized near the end of the conversation that she believed the urine, feces, and blood all came from the same orifice. This began a long discussion during which I was forced to tell her not to put the tampon in her rectum. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23747) - you deserved it (1765)
On 10/08/2011 at 2:48am - health - by ohgawd (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31629) - you deserved it (7634)
Today, I had my parents over at my new apartment. As I was telling them how quiet and peaceful my new place is, we could hear my neighbors talking nasty to each other before launching into a full-blown sex ordeal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22165) - you deserved it (2254)
On 09/15/2011 at 12:22am - intimacy - by holler - Japan (Tokyo)
Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71991) - you deserved it (9158)
On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I lost power. That didn't stop my house alarm from running on battery, loudly informing me in a British accent, "AC power disconnected. BEEP. AC power disconnected. BEEP." It's been going on for 5 hours and the battery takes a special screwdriver to remove. One we don't have. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17764) - you deserved it (2670)
On 08/31/2011 at 10:50pm - misc - by Beepbeepbeep (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I asked my two children why they smelled like pee after we had gotten lunch at McDonald's. They told me that they were playing in the puddles in the play-place. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28780) - you deserved it (3189)
On 08/23/2011 at 11:55am - kids - by Username - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, at my job as a movie theater attendant, my boss finally eased up and let me sit in on one of the movies. One woman kept laughing out loud every other line. After ten minutes of her braying like a dying horse, I got up and had her ejected from the theater. I'm a terrible person. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22091) - you deserved it (7804)
On 08/07/2011 at 4:29pm - work - by power corrupts... (woman) - Czech Republic (Plzensky kraj)
Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28631) - you deserved it (8927)
On 08/06/2011 at 9:40pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I realized burying my dog underneath our swing-set was a bad idea. My two sons are now scarred for life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6362) - you deserved it (31723)
On 08/04/2011 at 6:19am - kids - by Bobsaget00 (man) - United States (Ohio)
Monday 17 June 2013
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