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jaxonfm

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jaxonfm

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jaxonfm's favorite FMLs

Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML

Today, I discovered why the milk in my house has a funny, sweet taste. My family has been pouring the leftover milk from their cereal back into the carton. FML

#20045388
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26614) - you deserved it (1607)

On 08/27/2012 at 10:57pm - misc - by spekledworf - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by picture, during a game of Draw Something. FML

#20042043
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29021) - you deserved it (1986)

On 08/26/2012 at 1:03am - love - by wtf - New Zealand (Southland)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML

#20022569
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26062) - you deserved it (4858)

On 08/15/2012 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML

#20012686
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22290) - you deserved it (2872)

On 08/10/2012 at 12:40am - misc - by banana2894 - United States (Oregon)

Today, at work, I decided to make things more interesting, so when I called people I used a fake accent. As I was using an Australian accent, the person I was talking to asked me where in Australia I was from. I desperately replied, "Where the kangaroos are..." I'm now jobless. FML

#20011862
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6013) - you deserved it (33884)

On 08/09/2012 at 5:42pm - work - by sincerely depressed. - United States (California)

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

#20011677
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6412) - you deserved it (46619)

On 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm - misc - by feelsterrible (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML

#20007279
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20961) - you deserved it (2191)

On 08/07/2012 at 5:19am - health - by TheCerealKiller - United States (California)

Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML

#19962934
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17768) - you deserved it (25969)

On 07/20/2012 at 6:20am - kids - by great - New Zealand (Waikato)



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