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Mobility
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50 favourites
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Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43365) - you deserved it (11074)
On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States
Today, my wife finally came home from deployment. Apparently, in the military she really built up some muscle. When she saw me at the airport, she picked me up like a baby and spun me around in her arms a few times. I'm a little scared of her now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32177) - you deserved it (6775)
On 03/04/2013 at 2:36am - love - by married to wonder woman (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32650) - you deserved it (1891)
On 03/02/2013 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50201) - you deserved it (4408)
On 03/01/2013 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by sn-511 (man) - Italy (Campania)
Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22273) - you deserved it (1535)
On 03/01/2013 at 1:22pm - work - by cthulhu help me (man) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, my 20-year-old daughter staggered into my room at two in the morning, drunker than I ever thought a person could be, screaming for me to make pancakes for her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28608) - you deserved it (6416)
On 02/27/2013 at 4:42pm - kids - by Ugh (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, the guy I like and his friend came home with me to work on a project. I opened my front door and my mum was at the top of the stairs completely naked, bent over, drying her hair with the hairdryer. It took a few moments for her to realise we were there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25590) - you deserved it (1684)
On 02/13/2013 at 6:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (North Ayrshire)
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6734) - you deserved it (37140)
On 02/13/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML
I agree, your life sucks (229) - you deserved it (1763)
On 02/12/2013 at 4:50pm - animals - by Doggotmytongue - United States (Illinois)
Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22697) - you deserved it (2499)
On 02/12/2013 at 1:43pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over my living room. I was eating cereal in my underwear, in the living room, directly under the failure. I'm cold. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36130) - you deserved it (2958)
On 02/11/2013 at 3:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27670) - you deserved it (2200)
On 02/10/2013 at 11:17am - kids - by littlemiss - Canada (Ontario)
Today, at a mixed-family game of rugby, my dad resorted to calling me a "goddamned accident" and eventually body-slamming me, just so I'd stop playing long enough for his team to score. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22054) - you deserved it (2100)
On 02/08/2013 at 8:53pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I told my parents that I was going to hang out with some friends. My dad guffawed and said, "Ooh, look at Mary, pretending she has a social life." Thanks, Dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21697) - you deserved it (2021)
On 02/08/2013 at 5:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Havering)
Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18169) - you deserved it (2167)
On 02/08/2013 at 4:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Friday 24 May 2013
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