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jamjelly386's favorite FMLs
Today, I have been released from jail because my idiot friends decided to get me a surprise hooker for my birthday. Turns out "Candy" was actually an undercover cop. My friends ditched me. I was the only one arrested. FML
by BlootheBawss / 09/03/2011 at 12:48am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Harry Dare / 09/02/2011 at 12:31pm / United Kingdom (Walsall) / Love
Today, I was in my car with my window down at a red light. Outside, a sweet old lady was sitting on a bench with her dog sleeping next to her. I yelled out the window to tell her how cute her dog was. She replied, "He's dead" and cried. FML
by macattack / 09/01/2011 at 10:29pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
by mannydanny / 09/01/2011 at 7:40pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/01/2011 at 2:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/01/2011 at 2:22am / United States (Florida) / Work
by bob / 09/01/2011 at 1:29am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML
by MJjunior / 08/31/2011 at 12:04pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids
by piece of shed / 08/31/2011 at 10:00am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML
by Anonymous / 08/30/2011 at 12:46am / United States (Tennessee) / Work
by dck128 / 08/29/2011 at 6:05pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work
Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML
by bobin / 08/29/2011 at 1:17pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/28/2011 at 7:29am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML
by f*ckingdisgusted / 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/25/2011 at 12:24am / United States (California) / Health
- Today, my anxiety is so bad I'm afraid to leave the house despite an important appointment because… Today, I got a failing grade on my pre-calc final. After I broke the news to my dad, he slammed the… Today, I was at the Five Guys in Cardiff, and I decided to treat myself by getting five portions of…
- Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, during a family dinner with my grandparents, I showed them some pictures. One was a picture…