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jamjelly386's favorite FMLs
Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML
by blarp / 10/17/2011 at 12:20am / United States (New Jersey) / Health
by myfamilyisodd / 10/15/2011 at 1:05pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
by Ca13b / 10/15/2011 at 3:18am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML
by Lauren / 10/12/2011 at 1:55pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a date with a respectable, successful, polite, and attractive guy. Ten minutes into the conversation, I find out he's a neo-Nazi and earned a swastika tattoo in prison for "something shady." FML
by thatgirl / 10/10/2011 at 3:16am / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 12:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by kansah / 10/06/2011 at 6:11am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, there was a guy following me, so to avoid him, I crouched down and basically waddled behind a wall to get past him. Sure enough, first thing I see when I get around the corner, while still waddling, was an unhappy midget couple staring right at me. FML
by Mike Polk / 10/03/2011 at 8:37am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
by TraumatizedMother / 10/02/2011 at 3:27am / United States (New York) / Kids
by kewtness_17 / 10/01/2011 at 7:10pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by FirstStringQB / 10/01/2011 at 6:45pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was giving an anti-drugs speech to a group of ninth graders. I got onto the topic of trafficking from problem countries and asked a student to point out Mexico City on a map. He hesitated a few seconds before pointing at Canada. What the hell has the education system come to? FML
by jesus christ / 09/30/2011 at 10:55pm / United States / Kids
by Help. / 09/29/2011 at 1:36pm / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull) / Miscellaneous
Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML
by Anonymous / 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love