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jamjelly386's favorite FMLs
Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML
by blarp / 10/17/2011 at 12:20am / United States (New Jersey) / Health
by myfamilyisodd / 10/15/2011 at 1:05pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
by Ca13b / 10/15/2011 at 3:18am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML
by Lauren / 10/12/2011 at 1:55pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a date with a respectable, successful, polite, and attractive guy. Ten minutes into the conversation, I find out he's a neo-Nazi and earned a swastika tattoo in prison for "something shady." FML
by thatgirl / 10/10/2011 at 3:16am / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 12:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by kansah / 10/06/2011 at 6:11am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, there was a guy following me, so to avoid him, I crouched down and basically waddled behind a wall to get past him. Sure enough, first thing I see when I get around the corner, while still waddling, was an unhappy midget couple staring right at me. FML
by Mike Polk / 10/03/2011 at 8:37am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
by TraumatizedMother / 10/02/2011 at 3:27am / United States (New York) / Kids
by kewtness_17 / 10/01/2011 at 7:10pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by FirstStringQB / 10/01/2011 at 6:45pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was giving an anti-drugs speech to a group of ninth graders. I got onto the topic of trafficking from problem countries and asked a student to point out Mexico City on a map. He hesitated a few seconds before pointing at Canada. What the hell has the education system come to? FML
by jesus christ / 09/30/2011 at 10:55pm / United States / Kids
by Help. / 09/29/2011 at 1:36pm / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull) / Miscellaneous
Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML
by Anonymous / 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, I was trying to avoid one of our dogs while driving down the drive. Instead I crashed into a… Today, I went to a grad school fair. Tuition costs more than I make in a year. I'm thirty. I think… Today, I went over to my crush's house for the first time. Everything was going great until his dog…