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50 favourites
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Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28295) - you deserved it (1746)
On 10/17/2011 at 12:20am - health - by blarp - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I had to take my son to the emergency room for shooting himself in the ass with a BB gun. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21899) - you deserved it (3446)
On 10/15/2011 at 1:05pm - kids - by myfamilyisodd (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36673) - you deserved it (2614)
On 10/15/2011 at 3:18am - misc - by Ca13b - United States (Oregon)
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22168) - you deserved it (2112)
On 10/12/2011 at 1:55pm - misc - by Lauren - United Kingdom
Today, I went on a date with a respectable, successful, polite, and attractive guy. Ten minutes into the conversation, I find out he's a neo-Nazi and earned a swastika tattoo in prison for "something shady." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23071) - you deserved it (2314)
On 10/10/2011 at 3:16am - love - by thatgirl - United States (Texas)
Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonalds, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41035) - you deserved it (5589)
On 10/08/2011 at 12:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I came home from school and found my mother singing along to her latest investment, a compilation CD filled with heavy metal covers of ABBA classics. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13899) - you deserved it (2229)
On 10/06/2011 at 6:11am - misc - by kansah (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, there was a guy following me, so to avoid him, I crouched down and basically waddled behind a wall to get past him. Sure enough, first thing I see when I get around the corner, while still waddling, was an unhappy midget couple staring right at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20321) - you deserved it (3766)
On 10/03/2011 at 8:37am - misc - by Mike Polk - United States
Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27397) - you deserved it (8371)
On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21508) - you deserved it (7813)
On 10/01/2011 at 7:10pm - kids - by kewtness_17 - United States (Texas)
Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML
I agree, your life sucks (25967) - you deserved it (3121)
On 10/01/2011 at 6:45pm - misc - by FirstStringQB - United States (California)
Today, I was giving an anti-drugs speech to a group of ninth graders. I got onto the topic of trafficking from problem countries and asked a student to point out Mexico City on a map. He hesitated a few seconds before pointing at Canada. What the hell has the education system come to? FML
I agree, your life sucks (23828) - you deserved it (2089)
On 09/30/2011 at 10:55pm - kids - by jesus christ - United States
Today, my violent housemate qualified for a gun license. She picks up her bolt-action rifle on Wednesday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20516) - you deserved it (1877)
On 09/29/2011 at 1:36pm - misc - by Help. (woman) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull)
Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28875) - you deserved it (2345)
On 09/28/2011 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Sabraynay -
Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40226) - you deserved it (3157)
On 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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