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jamjelly386

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jamjelly386

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  • Number of visits : 4694
  • Number of comments : 127
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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jamjelly386's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML

#18003683
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33862) - you deserved it (2390)

On 10/17/2011 at 12:20am - health - by blarp - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to take my son to the emergency room for shooting himself in the ass with a BB gun. FML

#17989700
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27062) - you deserved it (4619)

On 10/15/2011 at 1:05pm - kids - by myfamilyisodd (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML

#17987492
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42453) - you deserved it (3498)

On 10/15/2011 at 3:18am - misc - by Ca13b - United States (Oregon)

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML

#17967494
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27345) - you deserved it (2477)

On 10/12/2011 at 1:55pm - misc - by Lauren - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a respectable, successful, polite, and attractive guy. Ten minutes into the conversation, I find out he's a neo-Nazi and earned a swastika tattoo in prison for "something shady." FML

#17949951
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28306) - you deserved it (3092)

On 10/10/2011 at 3:16am - love - by thatgirl - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonalds, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML

#17934817
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47285) - you deserved it (7304)

On 10/08/2011 at 12:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I came home from school and found my mother singing along to her latest investment, a compilation CD filled with heavy metal covers of ABBA classics. FML

Today, there was a guy following me, so to avoid him, I crouched down and basically waddled behind a wall to get past him. Sure enough, first thing I see when I get around the corner, while still waddling, was an unhappy midget couple staring right at me. FML

#17894609
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25901) - you deserved it (5170)

On 10/03/2011 at 8:37am - misc - by Mike Polk - United States

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

#17884513
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32766) - you deserved it (9213)

On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML

#17880683
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27058) - you deserved it (10586)

On 10/01/2011 at 7:10pm - kids - by kewtness_17 - United States (Texas)

Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML

#17880531
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31655) - you deserved it (4172)

On 10/01/2011 at 6:45pm - misc - by FirstStringQB - United States (California)

Today, I was giving an anti-drugs speech to a group of ninth graders. I got onto the topic of trafficking from problem countries and asked a student to point out Mexico City on a map. He hesitated a few seconds before pointing at Canada. What the hell has the education system come to? FML

#17874852
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29653) - you deserved it (2928)

On 09/30/2011 at 10:55pm - kids - by jesus christ - United States

Today, my violent housemate qualified for a gun license. She picks up her bolt-action rifle on Wednesday. FML

#17863556
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25854) - you deserved it (2675)

On 09/29/2011 at 1:36pm - misc - by Help. (woman) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull)

Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML

#17853519
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34876) - you deserved it (2785)

On 09/28/2011 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Sabraynay -

Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML

#17848518
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46491) - you deserved it (3580)

On 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)



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