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jamjelly386's favorite FMLs
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
by soontobedumped / 01/15/2012 at 2:26pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
by shitttyyyday / 01/14/2012 at 2:47am / United States / Health
Today, I found out why my room-mates and I have been ill for the past week. Apparently a rodent climbed into our water cooker and died. I have been drinking tea and eating noodles that have been tainted by a corpse all this time. FML
by hannaaaahr / 01/11/2012 at 3:08pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Health
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML
by LaLa / 01/09/2012 at 12:01am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
by bellaskyeb / 01/08/2012 at 12:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/02/2012 at 12:30pm / United States / Intimacy
by Scarred4Life / 01/01/2012 at 1:18am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by Pimpleeater / 12/20/2011 at 2:45am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Kids
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2011 at 6:54am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the pool with my new white bathers. I felt really good about myself because everyone was staring at me until this hot guy came up to me and said "Dude, your bathers are see-through. You need to shave!" FML
by Embarrassed Swimmer / 12/11/2011 at 2:23am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, after having spent days working on it, I finished off a really elaborate seasonal greetings card for my boss. When I gave it to him, he took one look at it, flicked it in his trash can and said, "Fuck off, Steve." So much for a Christmas bonus. FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 7:11pm / United States (California) / Work
by inpain / 12/02/2011 at 12:14am / United States (California) / Animals
by unknown52 / 12/01/2011 at 9:02pm / Netherlands (Overijssel) / Health
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
by alliez108 / 11/17/2011 at 7:50pm / United States / Miscellaneous