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jamesheat11's favorite FMLs
by SantaClaus / 11/02/2013 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML
by SerenityJ / 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 7:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, my doctor asked me to undo my bra so he could check my breathing without the straps restricting my lungs, I got home and told my friends how awkward it was. Not one of them has had this happen to them before. We all go to the same doctor. FML
by chestycough / 09/16/2013 at 12:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by tinypenis / 06/04/2013 at 8:15am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Abrams52 / 05/28/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, we were doing stretches in dance class where you are on your hands and doing the splits in the air while your partner helps hold you and stretch your legs further. Right as I lift my left leg up, I farted hugely right in my partner's face. I couldn't make eye contact for the rest of class. FML
by belle_arina / 10/08/2009 at 1:05am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2009 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML
by uh-oh / 07/21/2009 at 3:45pm / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/12/2009 at 9:53am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked past a church with a bunch of people standing outside waiting for the bride and groom to walk out. When the church doors opened, I yelled congratulations as loud as I could. It was a funeral. FML
by oops / 04/05/2009 at 1:20am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML
by ohshittttttt / 04/04/2009 at 12:15pm / United States (New York) / Geek
Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML
by nomorebeard / 03/25/2009 at 10:13am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML
by unloved / 03/23/2009 at 2:34pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML
by tryena / 02/28/2009 at 5:59am / United States (Idaho) / Kids
- Today, I spent most of the day in excruciating pain from sore muscles. Not from working out though,… Today, I had to tell a two year old to keep her hands out of the cats butt. Immediately afterwards… Today, after being away for a week, I come home only to find dirty counters, no silverware, a sink…