jakiya_23

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jakiya_23

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  • Number of visits : 442
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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jakiya_23's FML badges

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jakiya_23's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML

by purplexangel / 08/02/2012 at 1:32pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a call from my manager saying that I won't need to work this weekend. Too bad I already cancelled a family vacation because he threatened to fire me if I didn't work this weekend. FML

by Pizzaguy / 08/02/2012 at 12:22pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my daughter discovered that her Venus Fly Trap will not eat pieces of ripped-up scrap paper. Also today, I discovered that my daughter can't tell the difference between scrap paper and my monthly paycheck. FML

by Anonymous / 08/02/2012 at 10:12am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, my daughter discovered that her Venus Fly Trap will not eat pieces of ripped-up scrap paper. Also today, I discovered that my daughter can't tell the difference between scrap paper and my monthly paycheck. FML

by Anonymous / 08/02/2012 at 10:12am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML

by opinaise / 08/02/2012 at 9:00am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Love

Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML

by opinaise / 08/02/2012 at 9:00am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Love

Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML

by opinaise / 08/02/2012 at 9:00am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Love

Today, my brother offered my boyfriend $50 to dump me. Guess who's single. FML

by Kelly / 08/02/2012 at 4:11am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML

by busted / 08/02/2012 at 2:53am / Canada (Alberta) / Money

Today, I was fired from my job. My boss turned to everyone and said, "Allow me to escort this trash out of the office." Everyone cheered. FML

by Unwanted / 08/02/2012 at 2:50am / United States (California) / Work

Today, after spending five years regaining contact with my estranged father, I finally met him. I tearfully dropped my luggage and ran to hug him. He belched and told me to get in the car, because he had diarrhea. FML

by daddydaughterWTF / 08/01/2012 at 8:06pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I saw the girl that I've had a crush on forever riding her horse on the side of the road. She waved, and without thinking, I honked my horn in response. Her horse bucked her off. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 7:31pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals

Today, I went to do the laundry at my hotel. I had just enough money for my two loads. After getting frustrated with the washer taking two of my quarters and giving no credit, I took the clothes out. The washer then locked the door shut and started without my clothes. FML

by jessmess / 08/01/2012 at 12:44pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I drove 45 minutes to take my full driver's test. At the end of the test, the instructor told me I'd done everything perfectly, but had failed before I left the parking lot. I didn't see the "one way" sign at the entrance. FML

by unlicensed / 08/01/2012 at 12:20pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I cleaned the toilet so vigorously that I snapped the handle of the brush. I laughed and told the rest of my family. Instead of joining in on the hilarity, my mother screamed, "We have had that toilet brush for twenty-six years!" FML

by SLAB_GIRL15 / 08/01/2012 at 3:59am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous