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jaimielynne's favorite FMLs
Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's family. Her mother wants us to stay in separate bedrooms, and I was happy to oblige since I'm staying at their house. But because there isn't an extra room, we have to stay together. Upon entering the house, her mom searched our bags for condoms and birth-control pills. FML
by vistingherfamily / 11/24/2011 at 9:09pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, my mom took a bright red sharpie and drew a red circle just above my breasts. She said, "If I can see this, ever, your shirt is either too low cut or too see through and it will be thrown away." FML
by Cassandra / 10/13/2011 at 8:10pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/28/2011 at 10:04am / United States / Miscellaneous
by kdmoney / 09/23/2011 at 2:16am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Prinpette / 09/20/2011 at 5:20pm / France / Intimacy
by piece of shed / 08/31/2011 at 10:00am / United States (New York) / Kids
by sad child / 08/27/2011 at 3:45am / United States (New York) / Health
by RainCl0ud / 08/27/2011 at 2:08am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was chased on my bike by a couple of guys in a car. I rode into a public park to cut through and try to lose them. I looked by to check if they were following me, but they had to stop. I laughed, looked forward, and rammed into a little girl. FML
by Anonymous / 08/24/2011 at 2:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
Today, my house got broken into. Thankfully they didn't steal anything. They did, however, move things around into strange places and mess up my underwear. I have severe OCD, so this is probably worse than if they had taken everything. FML
by WTFwhywouldyoudothat / 08/22/2011 at 6:10pm / United Kingdom (Rotherham) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2011 at 3:42am / United States (Texas) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/18/2011 at 9:38am / United Kingdom (Bexley) / Animals
by secret dancer / 08/16/2011 at 12:55pm / Sweden (Jonkopings Lan) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/16/2011 at 7:09pm / United States / Transportation
- Today, after several attempts to fall asleep, right as I managed to fully relax, my mother came in… Today, I was sexting my boyfriend so when I went to pick him up from work I put some cute lingerie… Today, I was minding my own business, when I decided to read in the living room. My father began to…