About jacobsnowboard : Snowboarding and golf are my life!
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jacobsnowboard's favorite FMLs
by Beast / 03/30/2013 at 2:57am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was at work, I was on the verge of tears. My coworker asked what was wrong and I explained that I recently had to put my dog down. He then replied, "Cool story, bro. Tell it again." FML
Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML
by everyoneheard / 03/28/2013 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
Today, I was at McDonald's. As I left the counter with the food, I heard the cashier mutter, "Fat ass." I turned around and demanded to see the manager. Once he came and heard the situation, he looked at me and said, "Well, it's not like he's wrong, right?" FML
by first time at McDonald's in months... / 03/27/2013 at 1:04am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 03/16/2013 at 10:58am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/16/2013 at 2:19am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML
by Anonymous / 03/02/2013 at 1:59pm / United Kingdom / Health
Today, my brother called me, asking if I could help him do his taxes. Since he's a high school and college dropout, I thought all I had to do was a 1040EZ. No, last year he made more than twice what I earn, through self-employment. I have two Master's degrees and work at Burger King. FML
by tax-man / 03/01/2013 at 9:35pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 7:02am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 2:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML
by useless pos / 02/28/2013 at 7:48pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got stuck in traffic when a shootout started somewhere behind. I lowered myself and suddenly a bullet punctured a hole in the rear screen. When I managed to get away, I called my wife in a panic. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text about what just happened. Her reply: "K". FML
by n3ov / 02/25/2013 at 11:33pm / Pakistan (Islamabad) / Intimacy
by BadAssBandit897 / 02/23/2013 at 8:46am / Canada / Love
by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…