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Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video. FML
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On 08/15/2009 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by notguilty (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML
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On 08/02/2009 at 8:59pm - misc - by amburrr (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML
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On 04/04/2009 at 6:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Denmark (Roskilde)
Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML
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On 04/04/2009 at 4:50am - misc - by vetapplez (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I tasted the rainbow. By that, I mean a homeless man hit me in the face with a bag of Skittles for not giving him money. FML
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On 04/03/2009 at 5:43am - money - by rovery (man) - United States (California)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
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On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I passed by a small shop and decided to go in to look at the jeans. Before I could even step in, the shop owner told me expressionlessly, "All the sizes here are too small for you". FML
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On 03/05/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Brrrb (woman) - Singapore
Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17950) - you totally deserved it (126728)
On 02/26/2009 at 10:30am - misc - by Noname - United States (Michigan)
Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML
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On 02/24/2009 at 6:32pm - intimacy - by Menareidiots (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was approached by a girl who called me a slut for sleeping with her boyfriend, then proceeded to punch me in the face. I'm a virgin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50755) - you totally deserved it (1523)
On 02/21/2009 at 6:37pm - misc - by well then... (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I got an email from my professor with my grade for a paper. It said, "Solid writing, but you should have proofread your final draft more carefully." In a moment of annoyance, I typed in the reply box, "God should have proofread your FACE more carefully." My elbow hit the send button. FML
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On 02/21/2009 at 4:43pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Texas)
Today, my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44580) - you totally deserved it (2822)
On 02/17/2009 at 10:27am - misc - by stillsingleladies (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML
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On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolls off of me without finishing, and says, "i'm bored." FML
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On 02/04/2009 at 9:35am - intimacy - by na (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML
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On 01/31/2009 at 3:01pm - intimacy - by Yoshi - United States (California)
