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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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jacketfootball

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jacketfootball
  • Town/Country : Perrysburg, United States of America
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 458
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jacketfootball's favorite FMLs

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

#18041675 (346)

I agree, your life sucks (14799) - you deserved it (21935)

On 10/21/2011 at 9:33pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML

#17839569 (138)

I agree, your life sucks (14299) - you deserved it (29413)

On 09/26/2011 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by BigBananaLover - United States (California)

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

#17727595 (410)

I agree, your life sucks (26302) - you deserved it (3154)

On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

#15598918 (345)

I agree, your life sucks (27057) - you deserved it (32810)

On 04/02/2011 at 1:03am - misc - by Toothy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. Shes on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

#13661699 (403)

I agree, your life sucks (48550) - you deserved it (6290)

On 10/31/2010 at 9:30am - intimacy - by Tai - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time. While we were undressing each other, he said, "Wow, if we have children, you're gonna have to shave, or they'll die from rug-burn as they come out!" FML

#13654098 (256)

I agree, your life sucks (26389) - you deserved it (19247)

On 10/30/2010 at 8:37pm - intimacy - by tht1chk - United States (California)

Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML

#13640932 (112)

I agree, your life sucks (21565) - you deserved it (3841)

On 10/29/2010 at 7:15pm - intimacy - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, a little girl came up to me and asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" I said, "I'm a girl of course!" She walked away, looking dazed and saying, "Whoa." FML

#13513832 (257)

I agree, your life sucks (19150) - you deserved it (3989)

On 10/19/2010 at 5:23pm - misc - by lookslikeaboyapparently (woman) - United Kingdom (Falkirk)

Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML

#13493485 (198)

I agree, your life sucks (7971) - you deserved it (24000)

On 10/18/2010 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was watching a movie. The ending was sad and I started bawling my eyes out. My boyfriend sitting beside me kept looking back and forth between me and the TV, so I asked what he was doing. He replied with, 'I don't know which one is better to watch.' FML

#13376999 (154)

I agree, your life sucks (9788) - you deserved it (15753)

On 10/09/2010 at 10:36am - love - by Kiimmy (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was telling my boyfriend about how self conscious I am and how I obsess about my weight. He said, "Don't be ridiculous, you don't need to lose that much weight." FML

#13344865 (318)

I agree, your life sucks (11018) - you deserved it (16330)

On 10/06/2010 at 5:59pm - love - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

#13278835 (363)

I agree, your life sucks (13021) - you deserved it (28892)

On 10/01/2010 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by caughtorangehanded (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, whilst at my awards night, I got a boner, right as it was my turn to accept my award. To avoid a awkward situation, I flipped it up and under my belt. This failed to make the situation any less awkward, because the head of my penis poked out through my shirt, in plain view of the audience. FML

#13083024 (287)

I agree, your life sucks (25985) - you deserved it (27686)

On 09/17/2010 at 2:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend of a year and I had sex for the first time in several weeks due to relationship problems; I came in less than 10 seconds. We're still having problems. FML

#12641347 (240)

I agree, your life sucks (16353) - you deserved it (18036)

On 08/20/2010 at 5:51am - intimacy - by pathetic (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I realized my name in French means 'penis'. This wouldn't be as bad if my dad wasn't fluent in French. FML

#12332692 (319)

I agree, your life sucks (31625) - you deserved it (2335)

On 08/05/2010 at 2:24pm - love - by kiki - United States (Massachusetts)