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Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52005) - you totally deserved it (3272)
On 08/18/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was driving on the freeway and there was a dead animal (I think a cat) in the road. The car in front of me decided to merge over. It kicked up part of the dead animal and sent it flying through my open window. I think I got hit in the face with a piece of foot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38051) - you totally deserved it (1933)
On 08/16/2009 at 12:32pm - misc - by travinator121611 (man) - United States (California)
Today, after a long stressful day, my boyfriend and I decided to take a shower together. As I'm telling him all about my day, I suddenly felt something warm on my foot, only to look down and see him peeing on me. When I asked what he was doing he said "I'm marking my territory, you're mine now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46009) - you totally deserved it (8506)
On 07/24/2009 at 3:34am - love - by Surprise (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was standing by the bed naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opens the door and walks over to me, swinging her hips, wearing pratically nothing. About four feet from me, she trips on the edge of the floor mat, and uses my 'junk' to catch herself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54944) - you totally deserved it (3465)
On 07/22/2009 at 10:12am - intimacy - by Gordon (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today, my wife is divorcing me because she wants to party more with her friends alone. One year ago, I followed her to Norway, where her family lives. I left my friends, family and job opportunities (which were very good) in order to live with her. Now I am shoveling shit on a horse farm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41031) - you totally deserved it (7003)
On 07/21/2009 at 8:03am - love - by person_r (man) - Norway (Vestfold)
Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29080) - you totally deserved it (16450)
On 07/21/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by emperor (man) - Bangladesh (Dhaka)
Today, I was at the gym running with intensity on the treadmill. As I was working out, I noticed a few guys behind me starring at me. I figured they were checking me out because I was losing some weight and looking better. Turns out they were betting on how much longer "Fat Ass" could last. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34727) - you totally deserved it (3408)
On 07/20/2009 at 7:31pm - misc - by fatgirl4 (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was at a friend's party. Her neighbor and I really hit it off. We went off into the woods and left everyone, including her parents, at the bonfire. We started hooking up when my friend ran over. Apparently they could see everything. We had on glow stick necklaces and bracelets. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6431) - you totally deserved it (40773)
On 07/20/2009 at 12:50pm - intimacy - by hoho5191 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my friend thought it would be funny to put a pretzel on my forehead while I was sleeping on the beach. I now have a pretzle-shaped tan line in the middle of my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30399) - you totally deserved it (5444)
On 07/16/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by joe1234 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I learned that when you flush the toilet, the contents do not disappear into oblivion. They show up in your basement when your sewer backs up. And they come in greater numbers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36813) - you totally deserved it (2127)
On 07/16/2009 at 3:26am - misc - by megxox (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my friend put a bunch of cheetos all over me at the beach while I was taking a nap. Next thing I know I'm being woken up by a bunch of seagulls attacking me. One pooped in my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31181) - you totally deserved it (2615)
On 07/16/2009 at 2:30am - misc - by kewlcat (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I come home to find my nephew holding pieces of my new $3,500 Sony Video Camera. He told me he threw it out the window because it was a portal for aliens. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35352) - you totally deserved it (2068)
On 07/06/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by AidenFromSweden (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year old daughter out to eat. Half-way through our "date" she asks me loudly "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29675) - you totally deserved it (1273)
On 05/15/2009 at 1:10pm - kids - by BigBadTron (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (287384) - you totally deserved it (42426)
On 02/05/2009 at 7:06am - love - by Noname - United States (Illinois)
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