About italiangurrl : Hello FMLers! I'm a 25y/o woman from CT. I've loved fml since my high school days lol
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italiangurrl's favorite FMLs
Today, I was accused of cheating on my wife when an earring was found in our car. I knew it was my mom's missing earring but she didn't believe me. After calling my mom and getting them on the phone to clarify, my wife is upset I told my mother at all. Now I'm not a cheater, just an asshole. FML
by lostbandana / 07/02/2011 at 10:15pm / United States / Love
Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML
by Mommy / 06/26/2011 at 4:47pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML
by notinthebutt / 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money
Today, I was having a nice dream in which a beautiful butterfly flew by me and got stuck in my hair, fluttering its wings against my neck. Then I woke up and realized the "butterfly" stuck in my hair was actually a giant wood roach. FML
by Jenievonteese / 06/12/2011 at 7:33pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I used the staff toilets at school. As I sat down, I heard a sudden plop, followed by the stench of diarrhoea from the next cubicle. It was followed by a "I do apologise!" It was my English teacher. And we continued to chat. FML
by IPityTheStool / 06/09/2011 at 9:22am / United Kingdom (London) / Health
Today, my girlfriend got into my Facebook and changed our relationship status to single just to see which of my friends would "like" it. After revealing to me what she did, she now says I can no longer be friends with anyone who liked it. FML
by fmfb / 06/07/2011 at 7:09pm / United States / Love
Today, I was in the elevator with my boss, when I let rip the vilest, most horrifying fart of my life as we left the first floor. We stood in silence as the elevator slowly ascended to the 21st floor, leaving us to marinate in the fumes. FML
by / 06/05/2011 at 4:45pm / United States / Health
Today, I was really psyched to go see Kung Fu Panda 2 at the movies. Excited, I tried to do a flying kick off the cafeteria wall at work. Instead of kicking off, my leg crashed through the plasterboard and got stuck. My co-workers had to pull me free. FML
by Anonymous / 05/27/2011 at 8:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Health
by Username / 05/26/2011 at 10:39pm / Miscellaneous
by blahblah493 / 05/26/2011 at 12:15am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/22/2011 at 4:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Burnt / 05/02/2011 at 5:33am / United States (Texas) / Health
by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek
- Today, I've spent hours trying to prepare for my first day of teaching a high school grade class. I… Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy in the bedroom, I had already undressed her… Today, I woke up to my head being covered by a pissy diaper, a pile of pee not even an inch from my…