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israelnotjacob

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israelnotjacob
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 1132
  • Number of comments : 498
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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israelnotjacob's favorite FMLs

Today, I was skiing really fast and there was a sign saying 'Slow Down'. Feeling rather good about myself I decided to jump over the sign. Whilst jumping, however, I caught my ski tips on the sign and went face first into the ground. Hard. FML

#7653625
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2989) - you deserved it (34573)

On 01/28/2010 at 9:01pm - health - by Skier (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my grandpa sent me a letter apologizing for not congratulating me about my graduation last spring. Too bad I don't graduate until May. FML

#6795980
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15428) - you deserved it (2821)

On 12/17/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by chill (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I tried to rid my son of his pacifier. He still uses it to sleep. My son is 20 years old. FML

#6783679
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26410) - you deserved it (19496)

On 12/16/2009 at 8:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I realized that if you are too lazy to get completely dressed in the morning and only put on a top, you should not answer a Skype video call from your boss that involves you standing up, turning around and grabbing files from your filing cabinet all in clear view of your web cam. FML

#6264237
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5299) - you deserved it (26739)

On 11/11/2009 at 8:54pm - work - by julie (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I received a rejection letter from a company I interviewed with three weeks ago. They didn't mention giving my $200 portfolio back. Guess I'll keep using my 4-year degree to wait tables. FML

#6238713
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19414) - you deserved it (1981)

On 11/10/2009 at 1:20am - work - by blargggggg (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while I was walking downtown a homeless person asked me for a dollar. I thought it would be funny to wave the dollar in his face and taunt him. I guess he thought it would be funny to stab me in the leg with a pencil. FML

#4331370
766 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14757) - you deserved it (353160)

On 08/06/2009 at 9:35am - misc - by who_could_it_be - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

#1791192
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19385) - you deserved it (61767)

On 05/09/2009 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by Jeremy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got married wearing a strapless dress. As I walked down the aisle, our wedding photographer stepped out behind me to get a shot of me approaching my husband. Instead of stepping out, though, he stepped on. Stepped on my dress. Pulling it completely down. FML

#632054
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101048) - you deserved it (6479)

On 03/26/2009 at 9:38pm - love - by bride (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938
1625 comments

I agree, your life sucks (460060) - you deserved it (571640)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

#12567
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (222126) - you deserved it (37749)

On 02/06/2009 at 10:55pm - misc - by hahahehehohohoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, when I woke up, my husband was already up. Thinking I hear him in the hall I shout out "come on, don't be shy, bring that cock in here right now!". A voice replies: "he's gone out to get some bread". It was my mother in law. FML

#351
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32400) - you deserved it (10871)

On 11/20/2008 at 10:41pm - intimacy - by Tinker-Bell - Sent from mobile version

Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I saw her: my 17-year-old cousin. I went to my parents' unoccupied bedroom. My sister's baby walkie-talkie was switched on, and the whole family heard me. FML

#37
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18427) - you deserved it (80487)

On 10/25/2008 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by VIVI -



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