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islandgirly's favorite FMLs
Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML
by Never Going Back To The Doctor / 07/04/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/01/2013 at 12:10pm / United States (Utah) / Animals
Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML
by DocKreso / 06/28/2013 at 5:59pm / Croatia (Splitsko-Dalmatinska) / Work
Today, while driving during rush hour, I was singing so loudly that some jackass in the car next to me felt he should get my attention by throwing a wadded-up McDonald's bag through my open window, hitting me in the face with it, and telling me to shut up. FML
by authorx / 06/27/2013 at 12:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML
by blahblah / 06/26/2013 at 9:57pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I used a public restroom. I saw my sister's shoes walk into the stall next to me, so I gave her a little nudge with my foot. We then nudged each other until I walked out and saw a homeless man with the same shoes as my sister. He then tried to hold my hand. FML
by Anonymous / 06/25/2013 at 12:56am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/21/2013 at 12:44am / United States (Washington) / Work
by accountnamevalid / 06/20/2013 at 10:23pm / United States / Transportation
Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML
by imarriedanaxemurderer / 06/18/2013 at 1:01am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by hinting / 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by sugarysofalof / 06/13/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
by Samprib / 06/01/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by Terminator101101 / 05/30/2013 at 7:06pm / United States (Nevada) / Love
Today, my mum made me take her poodle on a walk, which she'd dressed in a tiara and a pink dog dress. Being a 19-year-old guy, I was pissed. After I got home, I saw that my mom had filmed me from the window and posted it to Facebook, to everyone's great delight. FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2013 at 4:25pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 7:01pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
- Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for… Today, I tried to wake my husband up in the middle of the night by kissing him deeply and massaging… Today, I was performing the classic 69 position with my girlfriend. I wasn't able to control it : I…