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You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.
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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19123) - you deserved it (1930)
On 10/26/2012 at 1:58pm - intimacy - by fiftyshardsofbroccoli (woman) - United States
Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12445) - you deserved it (1297)
On 10/19/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Watchtower? More like fortress. (man) - Norway (Oslo)
Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25715) - you deserved it (2427)
On 10/09/2012 at 1:53am - kids - by anonymous - United States
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28346) - you deserved it (4129)
On 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, at around 11pm the police made a visit to my house, explaining how my neighbors had thought I was using a universal remote to change their television channels. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17079) - you deserved it (938)
On 10/02/2012 at 9:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, someone stole the massive pumpkin I've been painstakingly growing all year. What did they do with it? They put it in the middle of a busy intersection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18235) - you deserved it (1367)
On 10/02/2012 at 2:48pm - misc - by peterpeterpumpkineater (man) - United States
Today, I was waiting for my wife in a mall when some kids came and sat near me, wearing band t-shirts. I recognized some, as I was into The Smiths and Black Flag in my youth. I tried to strike up a music-fan chat with them. "Fuck off, grandad" and "Ew, pedo" is all I got in return. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17071) - you deserved it (2868)
On 09/25/2012 at 7:54am - kids - by HenryRollinsForPresident (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48128) - you deserved it (1980)
On 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm - intimacy - by identitychangeplease - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27542) - you deserved it (1471)
On 09/14/2012 at 1:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11868) - you deserved it (1329)
On 09/11/2012 at 2:47am - misc - by NotDrunk (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13606) - you deserved it (32010)
On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22656) - you deserved it (4098)
On 08/28/2012 at 12:29am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted, "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25302) - you deserved it (927)
On 08/17/2012 at 8:20pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my boyfriend was coming home after a month of being away. When I heard him knock on the door, I rushed to open it and jumped into his arms for a hug. It wasn't him; it was the mailman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15194) - you deserved it (4766)
On 08/17/2012 at 12:08am - love - by SquishFish - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17843) - you deserved it (1582)
On 08/12/2012 at 8:49pm - kids - by JAdams (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Monday 20 May 2013
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