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islandgirly

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islandgirly
  • Town/Country : glendora, usa
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1445
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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islandgirly's favorite FMLs

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

#20562056
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35414) - you deserved it (3738)

On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML

#20559522
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9309) - you deserved it (58915)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:31pm - health - by anon - United States

Today, my cat learned how to open doors. Ever since then she's been running up to my room, opening my door, and running away. My cat is playing ding-dong ditch. FML

#20559057
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31983) - you deserved it (4331)

On 03/25/2013 at 3:18am - animals - by Apes (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my picture from a dating profile was so "hilarious" that people have been posting it on Instagram with mean captions. FML

#20557606
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35579) - you deserved it (5291)

On 03/24/2013 at 4:59am - misc - by And I'm still single - United States (California)

Today, my family and I were visiting an aunt. While helping my aunt to set the table, my sister remarked that from behind I look exactly like her. I reflexively blurted out "well fuck you too". Very awkward silence. FML

#20557009
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10558) - you deserved it (34069)

On 03/23/2013 at 8:38pm - misc - by Kjer (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I was walking by the side of the interstate because my car broke down. A nice young man stopped and asked if I was tired of walking. I said yes, to which he replied, "Try jogging asshole" then laughed and drove off. It was raining balls. FML

#20553491
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34134) - you deserved it (3090)

On 03/21/2013 at 9:31am - misc - by WetWalking - United States (Texas)

Today, I tossed half a sausage to a dog sitting beside a park bench. It wasn't until he lunged for it and dragged the man beside him off of the bench that I realized it was a seeing eye dog. FML

#20552676
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27736) - you deserved it (22074)

On 03/20/2013 at 7:53pm - animals - by SolaceInRage (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML

#20545240
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41322) - you deserved it (5101)

On 03/15/2013 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by butnotlikethat (woman) - China (Jiangxi)

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

#20541635
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40569) - you deserved it (15293)

On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my dad has been hitting the bottle, and will only respond to anything I say in a slurred rap. FML

#20539367
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22548) - you deserved it (1794)

On 03/11/2013 at 10:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

#20537010
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16543) - you deserved it (53605)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by je_regrette_tout (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

#20529231
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20324) - you deserved it (42754)

On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, as I was about to open a door at school, a student opened it and hit me. As I recovered and was about to open it again, someone else opened the door, hitting me again. Everyone laughed. FML

#20527903
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31104) - you deserved it (3277)

On 03/02/2013 at 9:09am - misc - by Doors Hate Me - United States

Today, I received a chain-mail text that vividly described what "Tanya" would do to me in my sleep if I didn't forward it on. I'm so paranoid that I did just that. I also realized that accidentally forwarding such things to your boss can get you fired. FML

#20526851
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8686) - you deserved it (41672)

On 03/01/2013 at 11:35am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML

#20521872
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47790) - you deserved it (3183) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm - health - by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison (woman) - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)



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