About isallwaysme : learn the fucking difference between "Your" and "You're." If you think I said something stupid, you probably failed to see the sarcasm. That or I just said something stupid. everything happens for a reason. sometimes because you're stupid and make bad decisions. I. AM. CANADIAN. I can't smell or taste, its good for obvious reasons ;) but other than that it sucks. If honey badger don't give a shit, why should I?! I'm starting to get good at commenting, maybe I'll be added to someone elses bio. If you like my comments, send me a message. Oh yeah, I'm on a competitive speedball team. Not a nerdy guy, not a loser. 6ft tall, dirty blond hair, fairly muscular, freestyle skiier, parkour, avid filmer, and athletic. Wow. I sound really cocky.WARNING. JOKE OF THE WEEK CAN BE OFFENSIVE. IF YOU'RE OFFENDED, I DON'T CARE :) JOKE OF THE WEEK: How do you find a black guy in the dark? when he smiles.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13463) - you deserved it (17791)
On 07/20/2012 at 6:20am - kids - by great - New Zealand (Waikato)
Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21956) - you deserved it (11082)
On 06/17/2012 at 10:58am - love - by rosabelle91 (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I went to see a movie with my girlfriend and a few others. Mid-way through, I noticed my girlfriend giving a hand-job to my best friend. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I confronted them. He claimed he had been asleep, she claimed she was mopping up a spill, and I'm now single again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40898) - you deserved it (2359)
On 06/14/2012 at 6:51pm - intimacy - by aranya (man) - Netherlands (Overijssel)
Today, I was told off for not holding the door open for a woman behind me at work. Yesterday I was informed that chivalry is offensive to women, as it implies that they are not equal to men. I can't win. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21081) - you deserved it (2467)
On 06/11/2012 at 11:56pm - misc - by JohnBlack (man) - United States
Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26569) - you deserved it (6408)
On 05/30/2012 at 5:46am - intimacy - by Brax (man) - United States
Today, my daughter's bed broke. Trying to see the damage, I lay down on her floor to get a closer look. I saw mountains of condom boxes under there. Now I know why the bed broke. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28879) - you deserved it (3586)
On 05/19/2012 at 11:08am - intimacy - by maggierose171 - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20576) - you deserved it (3267)
On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)
Today, on my way to work, I had to squeeze by a man sitting in a large truck parked next to my car. I was in a bit of a hurry and in my rush the collar of my shirt got caught on his grill. My shirt ripped and I flashed the guy my entire boob. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19476) - you deserved it (2822)
On 03/12/2012 at 12:28am - work - by titillating (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for our anniversary. Mid-way through the meal, a guy at the table across left for the restroom. My girlfriend reached over and swiped the guy's wallet from the table. My gonads went AWOL, and I couldn't even bring myself to call her out on it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6274) - you deserved it (15638)
On 03/05/2012 at 5:55pm - misc - by mark (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18833) - you deserved it (1805)
On 02/10/2012 at 8:02pm - misc - by rapper in training (man) - United States
Today, I accidentally dropped a sculpture at college, and it broke. Some weirdo wearing a pink cape and a fake moustache bitched me out and told me not to be such an attention-seeking drama queen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18270) - you deserved it (2141)
On 02/08/2012 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door neighbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked them what the hell was going on, only to find out one of their inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15891) - you deserved it (1330)
On 01/30/2012 at 6:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, my mother threatened me if I keep wearing yoga pants to school, she's going to have my dad pick me up in a speedo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10853) - you deserved it (31293)
On 01/11/2012 at 7:49pm - misc - by ThatOneGirl646 - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was boarding a plane and an elderly woman asked if I could put her carry on into the overhead bin. Eager to help, I energetically lifted her bag up, and smacked her in the face with it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22452) - you deserved it (4044)
On 01/06/2012 at 12:47am - misc - by plantfood - United States
Today, my mom took my cell to work with her. When she got home later, she scolded me for not answering her calls. When I pointed out that she'd taken it, she grounded me for "talking back". FML
I agree, your life sucks (27520) - you deserved it (1810)
On 12/31/2011 at 3:37pm - misc - by yourebeautiful - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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