About instnt1nfction : Bite the pillow, I'm going in dry.
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instnt1nfction's favorite FMLs
Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML
by Mr.P / 10/21/2011 at 11:35am / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
by optimistic2628 / 10/19/2011 at 10:03am / United States / Kids
by kp / 10/16/2011 at 8:47pm / Australia / Health
Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
by MLGreco / 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm / United States / Kids
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
by maniac11 / 10/10/2011 at 8:58pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I found out the people I babysit for have a nanny cam. Problem is, when I'm there, I act out scenarios in which I have the sweetest boyfriend. I also say his parts out loud in a man's voice. FML
by Laura / 10/08/2011 at 12:49am / United States / Work
Today, I gave a man a cigarette. He spent the rest of the day so far following me around, telling me all about his medical history, and chasing after me when I got too far away. I couldn't get rid of him for hours. FML
by Anonymous / 10/01/2011 at 12:21pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by mimi / 09/26/2011 at 10:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML
by unicorn / 09/13/2011 at 5:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by sadsadperson / 09/07/2011 at 4:51am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by squishylog / 08/12/2011 at 3:44am / United States (California) / Animals
by TuteSweet / 08/12/2011 at 2:17am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by 613tanner / 05/19/2011 at 1:30am / Transportation
Today, I realized I don't know which is sadder: the fact I have detailed conversations with myself in my car, or that I bought a Bluetooth earpiece so that I can do it in public without people thinking I'm a complete lunatic. FML
by shelby / 03/30/2011 at 12:54am / United States / Health
Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer. I said ''Grandma, that's a clock.'' After staring at me, confused for a few seconds, she then farted, and left my room. FML
by Anonymous / 11/23/2010 at 12:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all…