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instnt1nfction

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instnt1nfction

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 5 April 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3606
  • Number of comments : 712
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About instnt1nfction : Bite the pillow, I'm going in dry.

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instnt1nfction's FML badges

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That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

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You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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instnt1nfction's favorite FMLs

Today, I was looking through some old family pictures for a scrapbook I'm making. I found images of my dad passed out in his underwear, my great-grandpa having a drunken bath, and an unidentified moustachioed man sitting on the toilet, giving the photographer the finger. FML

#18371495
113 comments

Today, my neighbours kicked my football back over the fence. They'd slashed it and taped a note to the remains that said, "Do it again and it'll be your face." Now I'm scared to play football in my own backyard. FML

#18350483
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24988) - you deserved it (3360)

On 11/25/2011 at 8:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking to the kitchen in the dark. Something caught my eye and I turned to see a man standing in the corner, clear as day. I jumped and closed my eyes for a split second. When I opened them, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm now terrified to live in my own home. FML

#18338481
491 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45613) - you deserved it (4294)

On 11/24/2011 at 3:30pm - misc - by haunted (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML

#18334722
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28338) - you deserved it (3701)

On 11/24/2011 at 5:35am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my dad got drunk and thought it would be a great idea to clean up the yard by dumping gasoline all over the leaves and lighting our entire front yard on fire. FML

#18334271
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27615) - you deserved it (2263)

On 11/24/2011 at 3:42am - misc - by JWhite - United States (California)

Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML

#18316439
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32985) - you deserved it (3127)

On 11/22/2011 at 12:18pm - misc - by religionbites621 - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my daughter-in-law taught my 4-year-old grandson to burst into tears and yell, "Am I not good enough for you?" whenever I ask her if she's going to have any more children. FML

#18254436
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12545) - you deserved it (56907)

On 11/15/2011 at 10:16am - kids - by Margo (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

#18239656
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15098) - you deserved it (52669)

On 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm - misc - by shootme - Canada

Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML

#18234990
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27660) - you deserved it (2082)

On 11/13/2011 at 3:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E" I replied. Without missing a beat, she says "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She is 16. FML

#18234448
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41445) - you deserved it (7189)

On 11/13/2011 at 1:53am - kids - by weswithaute - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out that my 20-year-old boyfriend won't touch my boobs because he is afraid his parents will find out. FML

#18203488
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42401) - you deserved it (5070)

On 11/09/2011 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by Great... (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I got mugged by a guy who was threatening me with a stapler. FML

#18191865
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27226) - you deserved it (8015)

On 11/08/2011 at 9:39am - misc - by StaplerScared - Canada (Ontario)

Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML

#18098889
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21522) - you deserved it (9580)

On 10/28/2011 at 8:44pm - misc - by ricksterile - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boss made me run yet another stupid errand. When I delivered the paperwork to his office, I saw an email printout on his desk. Apparently, he has a plan in the works to get me "fried" next month. I'm not sure whether to give him a letter of resignation or a bottle of barbecue sauce. FML

#18088361
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23142) - you deserved it (2347)

On 10/27/2011 at 12:15pm - work - by last literate - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It was cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML

#18044688
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22714) - you deserved it (16799) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/22/2011 at 8:40am - kids - by titoutou222 - France



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