instnt1nfction

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instnt1nfction

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 5 April 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4762
  • Number of comments : 712
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About instnt1nfction : Bite the pillow, I'm going in dry.

instnt1nfction's page activity

Visits<b>IsathatSo</b> - the 07/13/2016 at 3:47pm<b>28actress</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 8:51am<b>Nicholas12</b> - the 06/05/2016 at 10:52pm<b>Bquillero16</b> - the 05/27/2016 at 12:28am<b>URBeingLied2</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 3:19am<b>TonierShadow</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 6:37am<b>bolee997</b> - the 04/23/2016 at 5:27am<b>Farklez</b> - the 04/05/2016 at 8:08pm<b>Cyrus00</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 12:22pm<b>BlackRosey_</b> - the 03/28/2016 at 10:26pm<b>jamjam276</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 6:27pm<b>catchmypanties</b> - the 03/13/2016 at 11:38am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 9:27pm<b>courtly25</b> - the 03/02/2016 at 4:36pm<b>shabadabba</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 9:28pm<b>___Unknown__08</b> - the 02/15/2016 at 8:35pm<b>R2Y2</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 10:34pm<b>EpicGoatman</b> - the 02/05/2016 at 11:19am

Fucked!<b>Nicholas12</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 4:52am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 10/24/2015 at 1:30am<b>crackfetus420</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 2:30pm<b>FusionPlacebo</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 3:33pm<b>Zach____smith</b> - the 05/22/2015 at 4:20pm

instnt1nfction's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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instnt1nfction's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was meditating in my room, I started to hear strange sounds. I was thrilled and thought I was having some sort of profound experience. It turned out my brother had tuned in to South Park out in the living room. FML

by Alpha / 12/17/2011 at 4:18pm / Estonia / Miscellaneous

Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML

Today, I was giving a presentation at work, when I said, "But we could care less about that." My boss asked if I meant, "Couldn't care less." Wanting to avoid embarrassment, I tried to think up an excuse, only to end up blurting that it was my phone's auto-correct. FML

by sharon / 12/14/2011 at 4:21pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, my husband changed the voice on my car's GPS to Mr T's. I don't know how to change it back. I've been saying, "I pity the fool" over and over again ever since. FML

by annoyed / 12/14/2011 at 9:06am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML

by Santa / 12/12/2011 at 4:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML

by Notadrinkanddriveidiot / 12/07/2011 at 9:46am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I got kicked in the crotch by a horse in my backyard. I don't own a horse. FML

by Rash / 12/06/2011 at 11:54am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, Santa ran over my foot with a Segway. FML

by areyouserial / 12/05/2011 at 8:21am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed an old bell at the bar so I rang it. It turns out that when you ring the bell, you buy shots for the whole bar. FML

by Christina / 12/05/2011 at 12:41am / Canada (British Columbia) / Money

Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2011 at 8:01am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I went to a nursing home to sing Christmas carols to the elderly. They threw their bananas at me. FML

by robincakes94 / 11/29/2011 at 7:42am / United States / Work

Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML

by moopymoplady / 11/28/2011 at 7:44pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, in science class, we had to make play-dough with our lab partners. We were allowed to put one thing in it to make it more bouncy or rubbery. My partner said that he wanted to put a chicken wing in ours. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2011 at 10:45am / United States / Geek

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML

by Dani / 11/28/2011 at 7:34am / Reserved / Miscellaneous