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instnt1nfction

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instnt1nfction

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 5 April 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3540
  • Number of comments : 712
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About instnt1nfction : Bite the pillow, I'm going in dry.

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instnt1nfction's FML badges

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That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

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You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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instnt1nfction's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was meditating in my room, I started to hear strange sounds. I was thrilled and thought I was having some sort of profound experience. It turned out my brother had tuned in to South Park out in the living room. FML

#18537264
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8423) - you deserved it (27109)

On 12/17/2011 at 4:18pm - misc - by Alpha (man) - Estonia

Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML

#18531059
175 comments

Today, I was giving a presentation at work, when I said, "But we could care less about that." My boss asked if I meant, "Couldn't care less." Wanting to avoid embarrassment, I tried to think up an excuse, only to end up blurting that it was my phone's auto-correct. FML

#18512301
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7113) - you deserved it (30845)

On 12/14/2011 at 4:21pm - work - by sharon (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my husband changed the voice on my car's GPS to Mr T's. I don't know how to change it back. I've been saying, "I pity the fool" over and over again ever since. FML

#18510240
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20770) - you deserved it (4956)

On 12/14/2011 at 9:06am - misc - by annoyed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML

#18495546
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36846) - you deserved it (3918)

On 12/12/2011 at 4:45pm - kids - by Santa - Canada (Ontario)

Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML

#18451653
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13001) - you deserved it (41250)

On 12/07/2011 at 9:46am - misc - by Notadrinkanddriveidiot - United States

Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML

#18444451
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11665) - you deserved it (44274)

On 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I got kicked in the crotch by a horse in my backyard. I don't own a horse. FML

#18444351
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33231) - you deserved it (2804)

On 12/06/2011 at 11:54am - animals - by Rash (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, Santa ran over my foot with a Segway. FML

#18435117
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22222) - you deserved it (2564)

On 12/05/2011 at 8:21am - misc - by areyouserial - United States

Today, I noticed an old bell at the bar so I rang it. It turns out that when you ring the bell, you buy shots for the whole bar. FML

#18433358
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14278) - you deserved it (43811)

On 12/05/2011 at 12:41am - money - by Christina - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML

#18425856
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28614) - you deserved it (9996)

On 12/04/2011 at 8:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a nursing home to sing Christmas carols to the elderly. They threw their bananas at me. FML

#18383706
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26046) - you deserved it (5924)

On 11/29/2011 at 7:42am - work - by robincakes94 - United States

Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML

#18378519
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24166) - you deserved it (5023)

On 11/28/2011 at 7:44pm - misc - by moopymoplady - Canada (Ontario)

Today, in science class, we had to make play-dough with our lab partners. We were allowed to put one thing in it to make it more bouncy or rubbery. My partner said that he wanted to put a chicken wing in ours. FML

#18374727
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23104) - you deserved it (2938)

On 11/28/2011 at 10:45am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML

#18374141
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28639) - you deserved it (8627)

On 11/28/2011 at 7:34am - misc - by Dani - Reserved



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