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instnt1nfction

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instnt1nfction

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 5 April 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3684
  • Number of comments : 712
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About instnt1nfction : Bite the pillow, I'm going in dry.

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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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instnt1nfction's favorite FMLs

Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML

#19983789
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27043) - you deserved it (2090)

On 07/25/2012 at 5:05pm - work - by justlittleoldme - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

#19926709
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33480) - you deserved it (4201)

On 07/12/2012 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

Today, I came home from a knee surgery. I asked my mother to get me a glass of water. She replied, "You can get it, you're not crippled. Oh wait, yeah you are" and laughed hysterically. FML

#19848525
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25653) - you deserved it (2605)

On 06/26/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by crippy - United States

Today, a homeless man tried to sell me a "magic, one-finger glove". It was a used condom. FML

#19838531
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31440) - you deserved it (2945)

On 06/24/2012 at 10:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
403 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37305) - you deserved it (4011)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

#19776975
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40878) - you deserved it (3873)

On 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm - misc - by creeped out - United States (New York)

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML

#19772012
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24640) - you deserved it (3311)

On 06/11/2012 at 5:45pm - love - by amidreaming?? (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

#19734981
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27068) - you deserved it (2839)

On 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm - animals - by Scared (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I almost got kidnapped. Again. FML

#19707961
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31552) - you deserved it (4260)

On 05/31/2012 at 1:28am - misc - by gonavybeatarmy - United States (California)

Today, I was in the hospital with rib injuries after being rear-ended by a truck. The doc said, "Well, you'll probably feel like you've been hit by a truck for a while." Everyone laughed, except me. When I said he was being insensitive, he replied, "Calm down, I'm just ribbing you." FML

#19633356
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14939) - you deserved it (27622)

On 05/16/2012 at 6:29pm - health - by ...... (man) - United States

Today, I found out that of the three medications I am taking for depression, one causes weight gain, one causes severe weight gain, and one "might cause weight gain." FML

#19545026
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27470) - you deserved it (2992)

On 04/28/2012 at 11:00pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had my headphones on while on the bus. I didn't realize how loud the music was till the woman sitting next to me punched me for changing her favorite song and then "ignoring her" when she asked me to put it back. FML

#19540360
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21939) - you deserved it (8273)

On 04/28/2012 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

#19526031
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21854) - you deserved it (2685)

On 04/25/2012 at 2:46am - work - by foshizzle (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out I have a kidney infection. Now I'm forced to drink at least 4 glasses of water before going to bed. I also have to be woken up every two hours to be told to, "GO PEE BEFORE YOU DIE!" by my mother. FML

#19520981
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24748) - you deserved it (1912)

On 04/24/2012 at 7:50am - health - by hottygirl905 - United States (Florida)



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