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Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23394) - you deserved it (7924)
On 08/24/2010 at 2:17am - intimacy - by chewybarseventy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was at a concert and an older man offered to let me stand in front of him because I'm short. It wasn't until the show started and people were jumping around did I realize he had a boner and was repeatedly bumping into me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16778) - you deserved it (2070)
On 03/02/2010 at 12:57am - intimacy - by Lin - United States (California)
Today, after having paid to download an iPhone FML app, I found out that the real 'Fmylife Official' app was a lot more complete. And free. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7591) - you deserved it (33373)
On 12/02/2009 at 12:58pm - misc - by Fmyapp (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55101) - you deserved it (4971)
On 07/31/2009 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24301) - you deserved it (67657)
On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46757) - you deserved it (127736)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML
I agree, your life sucks (84175) - you deserved it (7905)
On 03/23/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids." I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32878) - you deserved it (382441)
On 03/02/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by PicturePerfect (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41915) - you deserved it (4261)
On 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm - misc - by isuckatlife (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Monday 20 May 2013
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