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ingernh's favorite FMLs
Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML
by lorahayes / 01/05/2012 at 1:39pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Miscellaneous
by IHopeYourDogsGetDiarrheaAndPoopOnYourBed / 12/20/2011 at 6:49am / Mauritius / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/17/2011 at 2:47am / Miscellaneous
by mademoiselleaus / 12/06/2011 at 7:26am / Australia / Work
by pops up / 12/01/2011 at 5:25pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, my mother spent over $5,000 to fly in a Feng-Shui master, put him in a five-star hotel, and had him walk around our house with a compass, moving things to help improve the "energy flow." Now all I have in my room is an old mattress and lamp. He's coming back tomorrow. FML
by Agathus / 11/10/2011 at 9:35am / United Arab Emirates / Money
Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML
by possiblyoverweight / 11/08/2011 at 9:01am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Kids
by Anonymous / 11/01/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
by indierocklove / 08/03/2011 at 12:55pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, my husband threw out all of the spices in the cupboard. When I asked him why he said, "Our cat was named Spicy and I can't stand to look at them." Our recently deceased cat's name was Dicey. FML
by Tali / 07/28/2011 at 2:18am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
Today, I went to visit my great grandma. I saw that her dog had this red fluid on his ear, so I asked my grandma about it. She said she put red finger nail-polish in his ear so she could tell the difference between 'all' of her dogs. She only has one dog. FML
by emegemerald / 07/04/2011 at 12:13am / United States / Animals
Today, it was the début of the high school musical I was in. When two others and I sang the word "Hell", my mother yelled at us for using that language, while the musical was still going, and dragged me off stage. FML
by Anonymous / 03/12/2011 at 12:14am / United States (Missouri) / Kids
by notagoodsign / 02/28/2011 at 5:55am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Love
Today, I set up a miniature nativity scene in my apartment. Three hours ago, my dog decided it would be a good idea to eat baby Jesus. Two hours ago, the vet laughed and said not to worry because I would 'have him back in time for Christmas'. FML
by gettingacat / 12/17/2009 at 9:32am / United States (California) / Animals
by fatman / 12/14/2009 at 1:49pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation
- Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked… Today, the girl I have been dating for the past five years asked me to move to California with her… Today, I woke up early. As I was just about to fall back asleep, I was re-awoken to the sound of my…