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50 favourites
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Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (24876) - you deserved it (33473)
On 05/11/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by joeidk (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44143) - you deserved it (9432)
On 05/08/2013 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27219) - you deserved it (35250)
On 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm - misc - by blondie107 - United States (Texas)
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
I agree, your life sucks (58114) - you deserved it (8183)
On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, a huge and angry man stormed into my work and threatened to kill me if I didn't stop sleeping with his wife. He then threatened to come back and kick my ass if I so much as texted his wife again. The problem is, I'm married, have never cheated and I work for my wife's father. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46118) - you deserved it (2102)
On 04/26/2013 at 1:20am - love - by sad guy - United States
Today, I was feeling really sick at work. I messaged my boss whether his girlfriend, who also works there, could cover me. He then came down, shouting at me that whatever illness I have, I've also passed on to his girlfriend. I'm pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41702) - you deserved it (2804)
On 04/22/2013 at 9:22am - work - by work -_- - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, my sister went into a blind rage at me for "upstaging" her by announcing that I'm pregnant, two months after she did the same. My husband and I have been trying for two years. She's in high school and doesn't even know who the father is. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62293) - you deserved it (2565)
On 04/14/2013 at 4:39pm - misc - by bntje (woman) - Netherlands (Overijssel)
Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34988) - you deserved it (15530)
On 04/06/2013 at 8:55am - misc - by Evalynne - United States (Louisiana)
Today, in my job as an assistant at a music venue, I had to get posters signed by that night's performer. When I walked into the dressing room, I was told, "unless you're sucking my cock then get the fuck out of here" and had the posters slapped out of my hands. It's my job to deal with these pricks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29529) - you deserved it (2275)
On 04/02/2013 at 9:26pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32758) - you deserved it (1500)
On 04/01/2013 at 7:18pm - money - by haku4u (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33157) - you deserved it (4817)
On 04/01/2013 at 7:57am - intimacy - by ohgodwhyyoufreaks (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was denied a job because the guy interviewing me said that I was an illiterate blonde girl who used fake words like "plethora" and "viable". I told him I would leave, after he spelled the word "illiterate". He spelled it wrong and had me escorted from the premises. "Eeletterote" my ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40044) - you deserved it (1876)
On 04/01/2013 at 12:44am - work - by Nefi (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38179) - you deserved it (11658)
On 03/29/2013 at 1:18pm - misc - by fucked by sex ed (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I went to the bank to find out why they've taken $200 from me. By the time I show them my bank card, ID and tell them my problem, they accuse me of stealing my own identity, and refuse to give me my money back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26510) - you deserved it (1215)
On 03/26/2013 at 9:37pm - money - by arsenicalhumor (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26928) - you deserved it (2195)
On 03/26/2013 at 8:10pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Friday 24 May 2013
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