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im_da_man
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  • Number of visits : 1355
  • Number of comments : 31
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 15 posted

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im_da_man's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

#16410366
403 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14938) - you deserved it (72855)

On 05/29/2011 at 11:34pm - intimacy - by yummy - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she takes the shower head and starts spraying my penis with it. I asked her "what are you doing?" Her response: "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML

#16399874
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53282) - you deserved it (9959)

On 05/29/2011 at 10:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

#16378001
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35573) - you deserved it (16035)

On 05/27/2011 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by valerie - United States (Texas)

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from my biological father, who I have never met in my life. As I was scrolling through his hobbies and interests, I saw "Drinking," "Black women with big asses," and "Getting laid, lol." FML

#16344639
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43533) - you deserved it (3290)

On 05/25/2011 at 4:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, after three unsuccessful months of trying to make me orgasm, my boyfriend finally succeeded. It came from his car bumping up and down while we drove down a pot-holed road. FML

#16283076
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31906) - you deserved it (4209)

On 05/21/2011 at 4:02pm - intimacy - by hahanosirr (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML

#16277810
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52247) - you deserved it (7878)

On 05/21/2011 at 5:07am - intimacy - by no one - United States (Alaska)

Today, I got a boner in the MRI machine while my pelvic bone was being scanned. FML

#16218945
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40735) - you deserved it (6951)

On 05/17/2011 at 6:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I went bowling with some friends. After a few beers I was showing off spinning the ball around on the tip of my finger. One trip to the ER and two crushed nuts later, I've found that mixing alcohol and heavy shiny balls is not a good idea. FML

#16216813
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8856) - you deserved it (45004)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:28am - intimacy - by paulwatson93 (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

#16200408
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18841) - you deserved it (58365)

On 05/16/2011 at 1:40am - intimacy - by phoenix101 -

Today, I realized that my pubes are longer than my penis itself. FML

#16181302
338 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68159) - you deserved it (17320)

On 05/15/2011 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML

#16161351
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32270) - you deserved it (7687)

On 05/13/2011 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by f*cks_sake - United States (Ohio)

Today, I finally mustered the courage to tell my crush how I feel. He's a straight-A student and very nice in general. After I finished pouring my heart out, he stared at me for a bit and then said: "Nice rack." FML

#16114978
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31383) - you deserved it (8933)

On 05/10/2011 at 4:36am - intimacy - by Dana (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML

#16101317
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38737) - you deserved it (16719)

On 05/09/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by coldwetnose (woman) - United States

Today, I walked out of my house, waved at my neighbors, walked through my front yard and into the side yard to turn off the sprinkler. It wasn't until I was back into the house that I remembered I wasn't wearing a top. FML

#16066360
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12825) - you deserved it (36746)

On 05/06/2011 at 10:07am - intimacy - by eringoBRA (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I bought my boyfriend a gold watch for our 2 year anniversary. He bought me a jar of Nutella. FML

#15961473
327 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35222) - you deserved it (8632)

On 04/28/2011 at 9:16am - love - by nuttedthefout -



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