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I moderated this!
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Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10553) - you deserved it (31438)
On 10/22/2011 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I went to the store to pick up some tampons. After waiting in line for about 10 minutes, the male cashier looked at me when I was leaving and said, "Have a nice... week!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (23718) - you deserved it (3227)
On 10/19/2011 at 3:36pm - misc - by sarah (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40606) - you deserved it (5774)
On 10/18/2011 at 1:34pm - intimacy - by Mini-wanker (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34055) - you deserved it (2427)
On 10/15/2011 at 3:18am - misc - by Ca13b - United States (Oregon)
Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he randomly sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9384) - you deserved it (1718)
On 10/14/2011 at 7:03pm - intimacy - by myasshurts - United States (Michigan)
Today, since I was taking a dump in my wife's parents' house, I lit a candle so that it wouldn't stink. While still sitting down, I went to blow it out and apparently, no matter how strong of a man you are, you will still scream like a little girl if hot wax falls on your penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24646) - you deserved it (7764)
On 10/14/2011 at 11:23am - intimacy - by cduran2011 - United States (Ohio)
Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonalds, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38677) - you deserved it (5262)
On 10/08/2011 at 12:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26051) - you deserved it (7623)
On 10/04/2011 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Username - United States
Today, my friend decided to jump out of a moving car. I had to explain to the nice old lady who stopped that my friend who was convulsing on the ground wasn't on drugs, he's just really stupid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8030) - you deserved it (832)
On 10/04/2011 at 11:10am - misc - by dmanrique - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24894) - you deserved it (2805)
On 10/02/2011 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by rufusthepenis - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)
Today, my friends and I were having a random conversation on which mythical creature would be the most unlikely to exist in the real world. They all collectively agreed that it was a girl who is attracted to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24679) - you deserved it (3128)
On 09/28/2011 at 3:26pm - love - by Unluckiest Guy of the group (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my mother lectured me about going to the bar too often. She did this while rolling a joint. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23770) - you deserved it (3893)
On 09/28/2011 at 10:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20250) - you deserved it (1348)
On 09/28/2011 at 6:46am - misc - by JubileeBee (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I bought a UV light so I could detect cat pee, since I was sure my cat was relieving herself on the carpet. I decided to try it out in the living room first. Nearly half the room lit up like a Christmas tree. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23082) - you deserved it (3227)
On 09/25/2011 at 12:15pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, out of my bedroom window, I can see my next door neighbour's window. On his ledge, I can see binoculars, tissues and vaseline. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33980) - you deserved it (2986)
On 09/24/2011 at 3:22am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)
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