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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Today, my family is on the third day of driving cross country. My husband is still pretending he is driving on a NASCAR track, sound effects and all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18416) - you deserved it (2950)
On 07/20/2011 at 4:18pm - misc - by Stacy Dee - United States
Today, I was riding on the bus, when I felt a weird sensation on my hair. The person behind me was petting it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24439) - you deserved it (1967)
On 07/19/2011 at 9:29pm - misc - by imnotacat (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had a completely normal work day. Other than the fact that my boss dressed up like the lead singer from KISS and hit us with a foam sword at random. My boss is 49. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21950) - you deserved it (4561)
On 07/19/2011 at 11:19am - work - by Bill Harrison - United States
Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31325) - you deserved it (2428)
On 07/18/2011 at 12:26am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Michigan)
Today, while working at Subway, a man ordered a sub with avocado. When I told him it was no longer available, he screamed, spit in my face and ran out, pushing over an innocent bystander in the process. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25842) - you deserved it (2195)
On 07/16/2011 at 10:46pm - work - by sandwichmaker - United States (Illinois)
Today, my new neighbor informed me with great relish that the house I have just bought is haunted because 30 years ago a man shot himself in the kitchen. I'm now paying a huge mortgage on a house I'm frightened to be alone in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16386) - you deserved it (6379)
On 07/14/2011 at 4:59am - misc - by Boo (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10276) - you deserved it (38877)
On 07/11/2011 at 3:21pm - kids - by dummy (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23969) - you deserved it (8597)
On 07/11/2011 at 5:25am - kids - by Mothering (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29480) - you deserved it (3455)
On 06/24/2011 at 12:46am - work - by Sam (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, the only person I actually spoke with was a prank caller. I tried to have a conversation with him, but he hung up on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23173) - you deserved it (6697)
On 06/20/2011 at 10:59am - misc - by m2k (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was having a nice dream in which a beautiful butterfly flew by me and got stuck in my hair, fluttering its wings against my neck. Then I woke up and realized the "butterfly" stuck in my hair was actually a giant wood roach. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33788) - you deserved it (2427)
On 06/12/2011 at 7:33pm - animals - by Jenievonteese (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend and I were making out in a motel room. Just before we really got started I noticed that I forgot to close the drapes. Once I got up to close them I saw 3 maids and the manager run away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26656) - you deserved it (9081)
On 06/10/2011 at 12:08am - intimacy - by henry feingold - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37533) - you deserved it (2377)
On 06/02/2011 at 9:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I inexplicably claimed ownership of someone else's fart in the subway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7736) - you deserved it (23422)
Today, I was so lonely that I was comforted by the sound of mice running through the walls of my apartment. I left cheese and peanut butter out for them to find so that I could at least have a pet for company. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25471) - you deserved it (6961)
On 05/25/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by Anon (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Friday 24 May 2013
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