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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31854) - you deserved it (2160)
On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36334) - you deserved it (2628)
On 11/21/2009 at 6:40am - animals - by AussieGirl (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, at work, I screamed, used one of my employees as a human shield, dove for cover, and cried. Why? A bat flew into my store. Bats scare me shitless. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17758) - you deserved it (8137)
On 11/17/2009 at 3:55pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5166) - you deserved it (51865)
On 11/14/2009 at 4:37pm - animals - by TheMichaelNixon - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I went to the movies. Not only did the movie end up being awful, but I came to my car to find out someone drew Squidward from "SpongeBob" with large letters spelling "I LIKE POTATOES!" on my windshield. In permanent marker. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21322) - you deserved it (2117)
On 11/14/2009 at 6:08am - misc - by squidwardpotatoes (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was reading my students' Halloween stories I made them write for my creative writing class in high school. One of my students wrote about attacking me. She got my street address perfect and everything. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33048) - you deserved it (3563)
On 11/12/2009 at 2:17am - kids - by Teaching (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms thought we'd like eachother. Things were going really well until I got up to go to the bathroom and he says: "My mom was right, you do have perfect breedin' hips!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (29411) - you deserved it (2738)
On 11/11/2009 at 7:21am - love - by Starchyld (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had a police officer come to my house because I've been reported missing. My friends online decided to call the police because I haven't signed in for 6 days. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25743) - you deserved it (4782)
On 11/07/2009 at 1:55am - misc - by iheartvodka (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I arranged the food on my plate in a smiley face to try and make myself feel better. I'm a 38 year old man. It worked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23279) - you deserved it (4085)
On 11/06/2009 at 7:32pm - misc - by Anon (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)
Today, I suffered a mental breakdown. I told my roommates about it, and they decided to throw a very loud party while I was sobbing in my room, unable to sleep. My Xanax prescription ran out, I have no more sick days, and I have to wake up in two hours to work a ten hour day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26417) - you deserved it (6265)
On 11/06/2009 at 1:05am - health - by sadparty (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I totalled my car. I flipped it over on the freeway and broke my collarbone in the process. I was in extreme pain and unable to move. It took the ambulance an hour to get there in rush hour traffic. The song repeating on my iPod was, "Don't Worry, be Happy." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30900) - you deserved it (3904)
On 11/04/2009 at 12:18am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, mum woke me up before seven in the morning on a Saturday so I could open my birthday gifts. I'm an insomniac and I had just fallen asleep. I wasn't even awake yet and she yelled at me to be more enthusiastic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21160) - you deserved it (2696)
On 10/31/2009 at 1:45pm - misc - by Morgannaken (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23722) - you deserved it (1635)
On 10/26/2009 at 6:15am - misc - by Roida (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, while at the store, my fly became undone. It doesn't seem that bad unless an old lady comes to "zip it up for you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25973) - you deserved it (3240)
On 10/25/2009 at 2:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)
Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box. I decided it would be fun to see how much I could fit in my mouth. As soon as my mouth was full, I sneezed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6602) - you deserved it (30914)
On 10/22/2009 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Monday 20 May 2013
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