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Today, I went on somewhat of a blind date. The date was ok until he tried to spoon feed me. This didn't go over so well. Later, I noticed a strange looking brief case he was carrying. I asked him what it was and he proceeded to whip out 5 yoyos and do a yoyo show in the middle of the restaurant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45587) - you totally deserved it (3601)
On 04/22/2009 at 1:24am - misc - by 11321 (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had payed the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55663) - you totally deserved it (3398)
On 04/15/2009 at 8:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, I was going to have sex with my hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "pollo frito". I then proceeded to have sex, constantly screaming pollo frito for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27776) - you totally deserved it (87360)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (157426) - you totally deserved it (10528)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I walked in on my elderly great-great aunt sitting on her recliner in the living room. There was porn on the TV. Thinking that this was an accidental channel change, I asked, "What in the world are you watching!?" She replied in her sweet frail voice, "Two lesbians getting it on!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (75094) - you totally deserved it (8920)
On 03/19/2009 at 1:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I came back from a hike to see my trailer rocking, as well as some strange but obvious noises coming from it. I went camping alone. Two strangers were in my camper having sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (90837) - you totally deserved it (5731)
On 03/14/2009 at 1:08am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methanphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year old father. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52347) - you totally deserved it (1391)
On 03/10/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend bought me a Nickelback CD. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59516) - you totally deserved it (14636)
On 03/10/2009 at 8:46am - misc - by deez_nutz (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11519) - you totally deserved it (74852)
On 03/05/2009 at 2:33pm - health - by ubbernoob (man) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, I was teaching a class but kids were chatting. After 3 soap box speeches about "the next person who talks gets a note to take home".... one kid looks right at me and goes "meeow". FML
I agree, your life sucks (8533) - you totally deserved it (2855)
On 01/09/2009 at 3:54am - kids - by Liz - France (Ile-de-France)
Today, romantic declaration from my boyfriend: “Dammit, I’m paying too much tax! Let’s get married!”. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19123) - you totally deserved it (1452)
On 11/06/2008 at 4:38am - love - by Rolax - France (Ile-de-France)
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