Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

ilikepie789

Search for a member

ilikepie789
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 714
  • Number of comments : 218
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 24 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

ilikepie789's last visitors

KAT0INFINITYMaryJo96Padreschargers7michaelm1290GravyGuynerdsgetmehotlulz1337nolimits

ilikepie789's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

ilikepie789's favorite FMLs

Today, I brought my date home to meet my parents. We walked in the front door to find my drunken father wearing nothing but a Viking helmet, and swinging and jabbing our living room furniture with a pool noodle. FML

#17711935
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24113) - you deserved it (2417)

On 09/10/2011 at 3:01pm - misc - by Hailey Antone - United States

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

#17556947
399 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24082) - you deserved it (4188)

On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States

Today, I was in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML

#17522944
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23002) - you deserved it (3199)

On 08/19/2011 at 8:23pm - misc - by shitless88 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML

#17307885
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31146) - you deserved it (3255)

On 07/30/2011 at 10:07am - misc - by ewww - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML

#14719810
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38075) - you deserved it (3129)

On 01/26/2011 at 12:40pm - misc - by 123roomielover (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to use the public restroom. As I saw the toilet paper was out, I could see there was some hanging down from the other stall. As I went to grab it, I felt a hand grab mine and a voice ask seductively, "what were you reaching for?" FML

#13940137
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24874) - you deserved it (8807)

On 11/22/2010 at 7:18pm - misc - by reesemaster (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

#7139059
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21469) - you deserved it (5193)

On 01/04/2010 at 1:43am - health - by sadface (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML

#7050962
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7561) - you deserved it (55073)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

#3925036
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58690) - you deserved it (10695)

On 07/21/2009 at 6:42am - intimacy - by picturemenakedbaby (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was in the bathroom at the mall, when a homeless man came in mumbling to himself. Out of the 7 available urinals, he posted up at the one right beside me. Apparently he didn't get the memo that urinals aren't used to shit in. He talked to me the entire time. About his love life. FML

#2740544
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59120) - you deserved it (3485)

On 06/09/2009 at 12:13pm - misc - by blah (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML

#2508726
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31736) - you deserved it (49740)

On 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Cail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

#1617373
506 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81439) - you deserved it (222516)

On 05/04/2009 at 2:12am - love - by Iman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

#161178
992 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58840) - you deserved it (643063)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm - misc - by ihavepinkbackpac (woman) - United States (California)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: