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About ijustcametosay : I love it when the sheets are cold.
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Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9915) - you deserved it (1531)
On 12/27/2011 at 2:53pm - misc - by ericane27 - United States
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24894) - you deserved it (2805)
On 10/02/2011 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by rufusthepenis - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)
Today, I realized that it has been so long since my wife and I were intimate that I got slightly turned on watching her suck the meat off chicken wings. I'm jealous of fried, sauce-soaked poultry. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24558) - you deserved it (3135)
On 10/02/2011 at 2:05am - intimacy - by therevsev - United States
Today, I was giving an anti-drugs speech to a group of ninth graders. I got onto the topic of trafficking from problem countries and asked a student to point out Mexico City on a map. He hesitated a few seconds before pointing at Canada. What the hell has the education system come to? FML
I agree, your life sucks (21091) - you deserved it (1843)
On 09/30/2011 at 10:55pm - kids - by jesus christ - United States
Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14561) - you deserved it (29845)
On 09/26/2011 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by BigBananaLover - United States (California)
Today, I caught my wife slipping penis enlargement pills into my coffee. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34196) - you deserved it (5629)
On 09/21/2011 at 1:20pm - intimacy - by ThisBlows (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10338) - you deserved it (1807)
On 09/21/2011 at 9:17am - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I realized just how much my bad sex life has started affecting me, when after not being able to climax from masturbating, I instinctively faked an orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9488) - you deserved it (2273)
On 09/20/2011 at 6:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia
Today, I realized my tampon goes deeper than my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40517) - you deserved it (4309)
On 09/20/2011 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Cantgetno (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my friends and I ran through a flock of resting seagulls. The birds took to the skies and chased after us, covering us in shit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5790) - you deserved it (30839)
On 09/18/2011 at 4:17pm - animals - by shithead (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24451) - you deserved it (4066)
On 09/15/2011 at 3:34am - health - by Scott - United States (California)
Today, I was the victim of a drive-by. The attackers used water guns. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15089) - you deserved it (4042)
On 09/11/2011 at 10:50pm - misc - by COCKYmanUSC - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I realized too late that a picture in my school Powerpoint presentation of thousands of New Zealand sheep, was actually a picture of thousands of naked men in a field. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11713) - you deserved it (20899)
On 09/10/2011 at 3:11am - misc - by FullOfNick (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10563) - you deserved it (122965)
On 09/10/2011 at 2:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my husband went downstairs to play Call of Duty. When he came back after only 20 minutes I said, "Awww, did you miss me?" He said, "No, the controller died." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20472) - you deserved it (5375)
On 09/10/2011 at 1:15am - misc - by bluestarr1 - United States (Ohio)
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