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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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iheartkanye's favorite FMLs
Today, at work at a gas station kiosk, a man requested a carton of cigarettes. We keep our cigarettes on a high shelf. I'm short and very large chested so I have to jump in order to reach the carton. He said, "I only come here for the entertainment" and left without purchasing his cigarettes. FML
by aprilmay91 / 03/11/2012 at 8:38am / United States / Work
Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML
by Anonymous / 03/09/2012 at 9:05pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by shelly / 03/08/2012 at 5:23pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my son asked me for advice over his girlfriend not "respecting" his pathetic need for near-constant sex. I got so bored listening to the misogynistic horse-shit spewing out of his mouth that I totally zoned out. I came to as he started hurling abuse at me for not siding with him. FML
by Alfie4 / 03/05/2012 at 5:30pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/26/2012 at 4:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML
by Jared / 02/25/2012 at 2:09pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by DBZ / 02/20/2012 at 10:53am / United States (Tennessee) / Love
by Anonymoosey / 02/19/2012 at 6:47pm / Canada / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/16/2012 at 3:02pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/02/2012 at 12:30pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my parents were coming to visit me at my brand new apartment. I made dinner and served them the cake my roomate had left for me in the fridge. Thirty minutes after they left, I was so baked that I couldn't think straight. I still don't know if my parents made it home. FML
by Cookie / 12/22/2011 at 1:11pm / South Africa / Miscellaneous
Today, our school started an anti-bullying policy, and we watched a video about bullying. After the video, I told a teacher about a bullying case going on that I know about. His response? "Tell someone who cares" as he walked away chuckling. FML
by Anonymous / 12/01/2011 at 12:01am / United States / Miscellaneous
by lunarstrain / 11/08/2011 at 1:11am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML
by InstantHardOn / 11/07/2011 at 11:43pm / United States / Intimacy