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iheartkanye's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML
by Weirdo / 12/30/2012 at 1:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls, and why we're single. We somehow ended up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends, finding out that we both like hentai porn, and trading info on Japanese sex toys. FML
by XxtentaculonxX / 12/08/2012 at 5:52pm / United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute) / Love
Today, I had to go to my daughter's school because she hasn't been going to class. Her teacher seemed surprised to see me with my husband when we arrived. Apparently I "died" recently and my daughter has had extra responsibility around the house, hence why she doesn't come to class. FML
by Shauna / 11/08/2012 at 6:09am / United States / Kids
Today, a parent was too busy texting to notice her child had run in front of a moving truck. She did however see me grab the child's backpack to yank him back out of traffic. She then screamed at me for "manhandling" her child and demanded I be fired. It's not even my school; I'm a part time sub. FML
by bad samaritan / 10/22/2012 at 11:51pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by scarred for life / 09/21/2012 at 6:57am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I was talking on the phone with my crush. After an hour of talking she told me, "If you were half as hot as you sound over the phone, I'd date you immediately." Maybe I should give up on love and start a phone sex line. FML
by annonymous / 09/19/2012 at 2:24am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went bra shopping with my mother. She insisted that I try on a bunch of push-up bras, and I told her I didn't want to, because it's false advertising. She looked at me and said that I need all the help I can get. FML
by historyfreak_17 / 06/17/2012 at 3:11am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML
by smart move there / 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm / Ireland (Kildare) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that a family member found a publisher for his book; his badly written, terribly sourced, historically inaccurate book that insults and misrepresents most world cultures and religions. If this actually makes it to print, I'll never be able to use my maiden name again. FML
by AmatureLitCritic / 05/14/2012 at 3:37am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by picklet / 05/12/2012 at 10:36am / Malaysia (Negeri Sembilan) / Work
Today, I brought my 90-year-old grandfather into school for a project that required to bring in "a first-hand account" of the Great Depression. He started off by telling the class how in his day, they "threw rocks at black people." FML
by Class / 05/11/2012 at 7:52pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/14/2012 at 7:10am / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Love
by Beth / 04/13/2012 at 10:12am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
Today, I had a nasty cough, but I went to college anyway. When I walked into class, I could practically smell menstrual blood in the air. After a few coughs, our instructor gave me an "Oh, shut up!" After half an hour, she kicked me out for not "taking the class seriously". FML
by danny5191 / 03/16/2012 at 10:21pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Health
by Anonymous / 03/16/2012 at 1:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I visited a new tattoo parlor, as my previous artist made me uncomfortable with his drunken,… Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I… Today, I painted and repaired two bookcases for my Grandma. As I was putting it all back together…