About igive : I am here for amusement at the posters' expense.
igive's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
igive's favorite FMLs
Today, I heard my husband say from outside, "Seriously Dan, what could go wrong?" This was followed a few seconds later by a bang and screaming. Turns out he'd tried to smash his head through a wooden plank like a martial artist and failed. He ended up with splinters and a concussion. FML
by Anonymous / 06/21/2014 at 11:15am / United States (Colorado) / Health
by anon / 06/21/2014 at 8:50am / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, my laziness reached an all-time high. I had a dream that I was at school and had spilled all the contents of my backpack onto the floor. I then purposely shook myself out of my sleep to avoid cleaning up the mess in my dream. FML
by Anonymous / 06/16/2014 at 12:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML
by outsmartedbykids / 05/28/2014 at 12:28pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, I snuck out of the house to go to a party. When I got back later, I tried climbing back up the rope-ladder I'd set up earlier, leading back through my bedroom window. I was halfway up when it broke free. I sprained both my ankles and had to shamefully ring the doorbell to get back in. FML
by groundedasfuck / 05/24/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML
by NickJJ / 05/15/2014 at 10:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by salmone / 05/15/2014 at 9:03pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML
by Anonymous / 05/07/2014 at 11:57pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, my Spanish teacher imitated the sound of a coffee grinder, and then said in Spanish, "OK, all of you do it." I did it, thinking everyone else would too. I was the only one in the class who'd understood the Spanish part. FML
by me / 04/24/2014 at 11:32am / United States (Kentucky) / Work
Today, my teen son gave me the completed manuscript of the novel he's been working on for 4 years. Surprised and excited that he showed so much dedication to something, I volunteered to read it. I'm only on page 16 and it's absolute drivel, with grammar that makes my eyes bleed. Only 281 pages to go. FML
by Anonymous / 04/23/2014 at 3:17am / United States (South Dakota) / Kids
Today, when I went to the shopping centre, the automatic door wouldn't open for me. I had to stand there and wait until someone else walked by to open it for me. I suffer from dwarfism and this is a daily occurrence. FML
by shorty / 04/21/2014 at 12:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my girlfriend to a local drag racing spot to get her more involved with my friends. Her ex showed up and wanted to race me. I won the race, but blew my engine. I had to use his dad's towing service to get my car home. FML
by Anonymous / 12/25/2013 at 1:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by CandyCrushAddict / 09/21/2013 at 11:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I carried flat-packed boxes home from work to move my things into a new apartment. Whilst walking down the street, the wind kept blowing and spinning me round. A crowd eventually gathered, mistaking me for a street performer. Nobody helped or even threw me any loose change. FML
by Gem / 04/05/2013 at 7:04am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking to my professor's office. I've had an upset stomach all week, and I still felt a little gassy, so I politely decided to pass gass before entering the room. More than just gas came out. FML
by claytwin / 03/04/2013 at 3:10pm / United States / Health
- Today, after putting in so much effort to forgive my husband for his affair, we had sex. Not even 2… Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm.… Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious.…