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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was putting on cream and my son asked what it was for. I told him it was to keep the wrinkles away. He looked at me closely and replied, "I don't think it's working." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35306) - you deserved it (4260)
On 05/23/2009 at 1:04am - kids - by julieb (man) - United States (New York)
Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML
I agree, your life sucks (144601) - you deserved it (13075)
On 05/23/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by honeymoondisaster (woman) - United States (California)
I agree, your life sucks (53415) - you deserved it (2428)
On 05/20/2009 at 4:49pm - misc - by lm (man) - Ireland (Dublin)
Today, my husband was leaving on a long business trip to Germany. As he's leaving, my daughter starts crying. 'Dont leave me with her !' she says. 'Take me with you !' FML
I agree, your life sucks (40772) - you deserved it (6086)
On 05/20/2009 at 1:18am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my brother came out to our family as being gay. My mother starting crying because "She wanted grandchildren." I told her that I was planning on having children. She started crying harder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55938) - you deserved it (2594)
On 05/19/2009 at 9:21pm - kids - by bopbop (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, after the church service was over, my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and sang " Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML
I agree, your life sucks (51111) - you deserved it (6172)
On 05/19/2009 at 10:04am - kids - by nana (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn't home since I couldn't bare to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (289266) - you deserved it (35521)
On 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm - animals - by catlady (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, while working my job as a cashier, one of the customers that came to the register was a midget. As part of store policy, I had to ID him, and his driver's license said he was from Florida. So I asked, without catching myself, "How's the weather down there?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (24473) - you deserved it (36107)
On 05/09/2009 at 10:05pm - work - by Failoffel (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18573) - you deserved it (59931)
On 05/09/2009 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by Jeremy (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking: "What can I get for you cuntie?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (64656) - you deserved it (17319)
On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I texted a girl who I had hooked up with the night before to see if she wanted to hang out again. She responded, "I think we should keep it the way it was, before last night." I just met her last night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45616) - you deserved it (9425)
On 05/08/2009 at 7:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I released some ducks I had hand raised with my sisters at a local lake. They were raised around my huge German Shepherd, which explains why they didn't freak out when two huge dogs came out of no where and killed three of them, in front of my little sisters. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43807) - you deserved it (4745)
On 05/07/2009 at 10:18am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52123) - you deserved it (1740)
On 05/06/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by Gumfanatic302 (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad. I decided to speed to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47731) - you deserved it (7968)
On 05/06/2009 at 3:11pm - misc - by jojo (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I saw a couple of beetles doing it. Jealous, I quickly crushed them with my boot while screaming, "IF I CAN'T DO IT, NOBODY WILL!" All the little kids playing on the local playground, including parents supervising them, gave me dirty, confused looks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15584) - you deserved it (84147)
On 05/06/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)
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