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Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21229) - you deserved it (1771)
On 06/21/2012 at 1:43pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22542) - you deserved it (6177)
On 06/21/2012 at 1:40am - kids - by Bad Mommy - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend thought he could make a pregnancy test read positive by jizzing on it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20315) - you deserved it (3073)
On 06/21/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by really (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18747) - you deserved it (2215)
On 06/20/2012 at 12:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23146) - you deserved it (2057)
On 06/18/2012 at 7:38am - misc - by DwarfFrog - United States
Today, I kindly asked my boyfriend to shave his pubic hair to make oral sex more enjoyable for me. He declined, saying, "Think of it as flossing your teeth. I'm doing you a much needed favor." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20728) - you deserved it (3457)
On 06/17/2012 at 9:00pm - intimacy - by turnedoff (woman) - United States
Today, my boss gave me a new assignment at work: go online and look for my own replacement, then interview him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21838) - you deserved it (1445)
On 06/17/2012 at 4:50am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, I was reading erotic literature and noticed several errors in syntax, resulting in my mood being killed. I was cockblocked by my need for grammatical correctness. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17207) - you deserved it (9098)
On 06/17/2012 at 12:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18086) - you deserved it (4812)
On 06/16/2012 at 1:45am - misc - by NotGay (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I decided not wear makeup for the first time. My boyfriend asked me if I got punched in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19322) - you deserved it (4303)
On 06/16/2012 at 1:42am - misc - by Cassidy Bowen - United States (California)
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29624) - you deserved it (2884)
Today, I went to see my dermatologist friend for a free consultation on my terrible acne. During my visit, she said I probably won't be getting any more pimples. Excited, I asked her how she could tell. She replied, "There's no more room for it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21681) - you deserved it (1591)
On 06/14/2012 at 3:34pm - health - by ultraattitude - United States
Today, my psychiatrist asked me if I felt bad about my weight. When I said no, he looked surprised and said, "Why not?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (20631) - you deserved it (3871)
On 06/14/2012 at 7:26am - misc - by ouch - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was out to coffee with an extremely attractive friend. A crazy man came up to the window we were facing. He took one look at her, then turned to me with a big, congratulatory smile, flashing me a thumbs-up. Then he turned to her, frowned disappointedly and gave a thumbs-down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16763) - you deserved it (1327)
On 06/14/2012 at 4:11am - misc - by offended (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9800) - you deserved it (15687)
On 06/13/2012 at 9:17pm - misc - by ww2freak - United States (Virginia)
Monday 17 June 2013
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